Divorce is never easy. In fact, it’s a traumatic event that can have a lasting impact on everyone in the family for many years. It’s hard enough going through a divorce when the only thing you have to think about is the two of you, but when children come into the equation, it becomes a whole other ball game.
As we’ve discussed previously in the Most Common Reasons for Divorce blog post, getting married too early, pregnancy before marriage and lower-income and education are some of the biggest common denominators when it comes to divorce. There isn’t much information out there on why parents decide to end things, however. So, what makes parents get divorced? What is the straw that breaks the camel’s back and splits up a family?
Let’s take a look at some statistics and insights into parents and the reasons why they get divorced.
The U.S. Census Bureau has indicated that divorce rates are as shockingly high as 50%. This sobering statistic means that around half of marriages fail. While this may be a scary thought, the good news is that marriages that involve children are 40% less likely to end in divorce.
However, it’s not difficult to see that there is definitely still a high population of parents that decide to get divorced. If your parents themselves are not divorced, it’s likely that a close friend or family member has divorced parents. What is it that drives some parents to divorce while others don’t?
It’s likely that you’ve heard someone utter the phrase that they are staying together for the kids. These types of marriage are often not incredibly unhappy marriages, but rather unfulfilled ones. Many people decide to stay together while their kids are young or to prevent disrupting their schooling.
This means that many of these partners go their separate ways after children have flown the nest and gone off to college or got a job and moved out of the family home.
While some marriages can exist on autopilot and come to an inevitable end, such as the example given above, others are a lot more volatile and uglier. Marriages that involve a lot of fighting, blaming, screaming and even abuse are going to have a huge negative impact on any kids involved.
At this stage of the marriage, many parents come to the realization that they are doing more harm to their kids by staying together than they would be if they got a divorce.
Most people have an ideal way that they would like to bring up their children and if this isn’t discussed before the children actually arrive, it could place enormous stress on the marriage. For example, you might believe that your children deserve everything that you couldn’t have as a child and you lavish them with love and gifts, but your partner thinks you are spoiling the kids and they should have to do things like household chores to get gifts or rewards.
Religion is also something that comes into upbringing in a big way. If you and your partner are from different religious backgrounds and it doesn’t impact your marriage much, it’s still important to talk about what path you would like your children to follow. When one partner wants their children to follow their religion and the other wants theirs to be the prominent one, it can bring a whole lot of pressure and conflict into a marriage that wasn’t present before.
Having kids definitely adds another element to the divorce process and makes it more complex. At the end of the day, however, parents still struggle with the same issues as most marriages that fail.
This could be anything from commitment issues and financial strain to infidelity, abuse, and everything else in between. You can read more about these in our recent blog on the Top Reasons People Divorce.
Every divorce comes with its own individual reasons and causes and it’s important that you work through your divorce to find out the main reason why yours ended. This is an essential step in the healing of those wounds and by figuring out where it all went wrong, you can give yourself the forgiveness you need and the permission to move on in a healthy and holistic way.
At Naked Divorce, we have created a wonderful product called Finding the Source of your Divorce that equips you with the tools and thought processes that you need to dig deep and find the core of your marriage’s breakdown. If you are ready to get on the path towards healing from your divorce, then we’re here every step of the way.
Book a Clarity Call with one of our divorce angels or get in touch to see how we can help you move into a brighter future.
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