Going through a divorce is a traumatic experience and one that many people struggle to get over for years. Often the lingering effects of the previous marriage permeate into new relationships and inhibit people from moving on.
Healing from any traumatic experience takes courage, hard work, and dedication. Healing from divorce trauma is no different—you have to confront the things that you probably don’t want to, deal with repressed emotions, and take responsibility for your own actions. Only when you have fully engaged with the how’s and why’s of your divorce, will you be able to move forward into a bright and healthy future.
Healing from your divorce has many different aspects to it, but one of the most important ones is finding the source of your divorce. At Naked Divorce, we have an entire guide and workbook particularly geared towards helping our clients identify the source of their divorce, with exercises to help them heal along this journey of discovery.
When it comes to the main causes of a divorce, you have to keep in mind that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. It could be a single thing that caused the breakdown of the relationship—such as infidelity—it could be a number of different things over the years, and in some cases, it could just be down to simply being incompatible.
In 2001, the Oklahoma 2001 Baseline state-wide survey on marriage and divorce also showed that there is more to divorce than direct causes. There are, in fact, also some predetermined factors that could have made you a higher divorce risk than others. These are just some of those predetermined factors that have a higher risk of divorce:
• Getting married too young: When we are young, we always feel like “this is the one”. However, even if that person is the right one for right now, it’s difficult to think about the ways that we are going to grow and evolve in the years ahead. In many cases, couples grow differently and realize that they aren’t always compatible. Getting married too young is one of the top causes of divorce, especially in the first few years after marriage.
• Lower-income and limited education: One of the main causes of divorce is financial difficulties. Limited education (that normally stems from lack of finances) often results in finding a low-income job. Perceived lack of money and financial issues puts heaps of pressure on any relationship.
• Pregnancy before marriage: Although it’s less common now than it was a decade ago—if a woman falls pregnant before marriage, the couple are expected, and often pressured, into getting married. Most people have the biological capabilities to make a baby together, but not everyone has the emotional capacity to be the right fit for a lifetime together.
• Having divorced parents: Unfortunately, many aspects of our lives are unknowingly built into our subconscious through our upbringing and the risk of divorce is double if you have divorced parents. In fact, if both partners’ parents are divorced, it actually triples. Keep in mind that just because your parents got divorced that doesn’t mean that you 100% will, it should just make you more aware of the red flags.
The most common reasons that people give for divorce contain the following:
• Communication issues
• Intimacy problems
While there are some common threads through most divorces, every single situation is different and will have its own individual causes. Finding the source of your divorce is a huge step in the healing process and it will also help you to avoid these situations with any potential future relationships.
If you are ready to start your journey to complete healing, then we’ll be there with you every step of the way. Book a call with Naked Divorce and we will get you on the path to a bright and happy future.
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