Historically, women have had it much harder than men when it comes to the divorce process. This was mainly down to the fact that more women were stay-at-home moms, working in the home—while men tended to be the sole breadwinners for the family.
Luckily, much of this has changed and more women than ever contribute to finances and have stable jobs outside of the home. Divorce today is more about how dependent either spouse is on the other and whether there are children involved. Here is a link to what men divorcing might go through…
However, just because things have moved in a more modern direction, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be prepared for divorce. Divorce will take its toll on all parties mentally, financially, and emotionally, and it is important that you have everything in order for this journey.
These are just some of the topics that I cover in my Divorce Tips and Advice training that helps women to get through the divorce process as well prepared as possible. It is important to understand that every divorce is unique, but you can put yourself in the best space possible to strongly handle the divorce process and your new life that comes afterward.
So many women say that they “aren’t ready” to talk to a lawyer. It is hugely important that you get in touch with some sort of legal counsel as soon as possible. Do not put off contacting a professional. They will help you enormously by explaining early in the divorce process where you stand and what your different options are. Having a knowledgeable professional by your side gives you strength and preparedness from the start.
If you are not sure where to find a good lawyer, especially if you want one that specializes in family law, then a good place to start is simply asking trusted friends or family members that went through a divorce who they used. Alternatively, you could ask your usual attorney to recommend someone.
At the end of the day, finances are a big part of almost every divorce, and it is essential that you get a firm grip on monetary issues between you and your spouse. You need to get proof of and understand what you have accumulated together (i.e., debts, assets, and income), as well as what you owe. You need to gather financial documents like bank statements, mortgage statements, shared accounts, tax returns, loan documents, and any investments that you might have.
Always keep an eye out for new changes to these accounts, like money being funnelled from a joint account or large expenditures that you aren’t aware of. If you do not have access to these accounts and your spouse won’t give them to you, you can request documents like tax returns, etc. from the IRS.
You need to understand what your finances are going to be going forward. So, first, you need to look at any home costs, schooling, and other aspects that you may be responsible for after the divorce. Then you need to document your expenses for at least a couple of months to truly understand how much you spend and how much you’ll need to cover this. Keep receipts and records of everything from haircuts to babysitters, groceries, and fuel. You can put this info into an Excel sheet or use a budgeting app.
Once you have an idea of how much you’re going to be spending, you’ll be able to start saving. This means breaking down exactly how much money you need to put away every single week or month to ensure that you are covered when you are no longer with your spouse. If you don’t have a job, then this is definitely the time to consider getting one to ensure that you can make ends meet.
Divorce is always traumatic, even if it turns out to be a rather seamless process. You must understand that you are going to grieve for the life you have left behind and that’s okay. Everyone grieves differently and everyone takes their own post-divorce journey to happiness. You must give yourself the time that you need to get used to being on your own, figuring out what you want to do, who you want to be, and what you want your future partner to offer you. Take your time to discover new and exciting things about yourself and be kind; it’s normal to have bad days and good days and there is no time limit on how long that is going to last.
Routines are looked at in a negative light far too frequently. When you are trying to navigate a new life and get through an emotionally taxing journey—routine can be the best thing for you. Create a healthy routine that keeps you on track and stops you from wallowing in self-pity for too long. Wake up early, eat a good breakfast, hit the gym, or go for a walk, etc. Create time every day for the things that bring joy to your soul, whether that’s exercise, reading, art, or spending quality time with your kids.
There’s nothing more important than ensuring you are surrounded by people that know and love you. These are the people that will help you get through the worst of times and who will be there for your new lease on life. Find the people that support you and that you trust to talk to about what you are going through. Don’t isolate yourself, as tempting as that may be. It’s always important to find your tribe to get through the tough times and celebrate the good ones.
Never be afraid to seek out professional support after your divorce. Counselors, therapists, and people like our Divorce Coaches are equipped with the knowledge to help you navigate the emotional post-divorce journey. There is absolutely nothing wrong about getting the help that you need, and a professional will be able to give you the tools and strategies to ensure you build the life that you are striving for in your future.
At Naked Divorce, we are here to support you and guide you through all stages of the divorce process. Get in touch with me for a Clarity Call or have a look at our specialist divorce programs.
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With you in service
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