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Most of the divorce tips out there for men are about protecting wealth and assets, how to approach custody battles and so on. While some of this advice can be right (and practical) there seems to be less of an emphasis of helping men with the emotional rollercoaster that they will experience during a divorce.
Anyone that goes through a divorce—wives, husbands, parents, and children—will be impacted by the ramifications that come with the breakdown of a family unit. Women are projected as being more emotional and there are undoubtedly a lot more women that are comfortable in seeking the help that they need when going through a divorce. Here is a link to what women divorcing might go through…
The fact of the matter is that men and women have different expectations on them, and they are expected to handle emotional matters in different ways. A divorce doesn’t define who you are, but how you handle it can help define how you will become and the future journey that you are going to go on.
Here are just some quick tips and advice for men to get through a divorce in a healthy way.
Acceptance
Denial is a fear-based emotion that clouds your judgement and prolongs the pain on the journey through a divorce. The breakdown of a marriage is probably one of the hardest things for anyone to accept, but if you and your partner are heading down the road of divorce, then acceptance of the situation will only help you.
We’re not talking about burying your head in the sand and hoping the pain will go away. We’re talking about taking on the acceptance, recognizing that is probably the right outcome for both of you and for your kids, if you have any. Try not to look back on your marriage with rose-tinted glasses, as this will only make it harder to make the divorce journey as pain-free as it can possibly be.
Embrace the emotions
Of course, we are taught that men are meant to be less emotional than women; they are expected to suck up their feelings and get along with it. This is an incredibly hurtful societal norm. In fact, The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) did a study in 2017, which put the risk of suicide in men at a massive four times higher than in women. The pressure of being a man that is not expected to show or handle their emotional distress plays a big part in this.
When you are going through a divorce, you are going to feel a whole lot of different emotions. You could be happy; you could be devastated and you could be somewhere in between. The stages of grief and loss aren’t linear, and everyone experiences them differently. Just know that grieving is a completely natural emotion to experience in a divorce and that you certainly aren’t alone.
Work on amicable co-parenting
One of the most important things to remember when you are going through a divorce, is that it doesn’t just involve you and your ex-spouse. If you have kids, they are going to feel the full effects of the family breakdown and it’s important that you and your ex work together to provide as much stability and comfort for them as you can.
Custody battles are often the ugliest part of a divorce and they hurt everyone involved. Make sure that you talk to your ex and that you come to an understanding that you will put your children before yourselves for this period. It’s essential that you work out a positive and amicable co-parenting plan that involves whatever is best for the kids. Ask your children what they expect going forward, never use your children as a bargaining chip, or a messenger. The only way to get them through this difficult time in their lives with as little trauma as possible to keep your messiness away from them. Put them first by presenting as a united parenting front, even if you have problems with your ex.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
I get it, it’s not meant to be very ‘manly’ to ask for help, but it’s important that you do so to ensure that you get through this divorce in a healthy way. Men, in particular, are a little slow to sit at the help table and reaching out is often not on the agenda. Always remember that you are not alone in this. Reach out to friends and family for support if you feel comfortable doing so. If not, then there are tons of support groups and other programs like Naked Divorce that are here to give you the emotional support and tools to help you get through this tough time.
Take time for yourself
It can be tempting to throw yourself into a myriad of things after or during a divorce; this could be work, the gym, or even a new relationship. While it is good to keep your mind busy, it’s always important to take time for yourself to process and manage what you have been through and where you would like to be going forward.
This is particularly important when it comes to a new relationship. Jumping into something fresh might make you feel good or takes your mind off your past relationship, but if you haven’t healed, then you are going to take the same problems with you going into it.
At Naked Divorce, we know exactly how hard it is to come out of a divorce without emotional scarring, but we also know that there are healthy ways to ensure that you get through this tough time with a positive mindset and a bright future.
Check out the video on Divorce Tips and Advice from Naked Divorce, or feel free to get in touch with us. We look forward to starting the journey to healing alongside you.
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