Or worse, when you watched Glenn Close boil Michael Douglas’s bunny, did you secretly nod in sympathy? Find out right now for sure if you’re a closet bunny boiler. Take our free quiz:
If you let anger sweep you away when you feel wronged – then this post is for you.
Physically, you feel a fiery burning in your chest, and a compulsion to scream and shout. You are fidgety, needing to move, grinding your jaw and clenching your fists, maybe unconsciously. You might feel a tightness in your throat and chest. Nothing pleasant going on there!
You feel a sense of betrayal, either by the individual or by life. You feel like the wronged victim and constantly think or say things like ‘it’s not fair! Why is this happening to me? Why me? How could you!?’
You know the whole world has suddenly turned against you!
Anger is actually an important emotional response to a break up or divorce. Anger is your body letting out and releasing your upset and disappointed expectations. Dealing with future hopes and dreams suddenly changing.
But as we all know, anger is super-destructive. In the heat of the moment you can easily say things that further damage and destroy things you have nurtured and built for so long.
The very first thing to do is watch what you say. Find a way to at least postpone it. Avoid dramatic confrontations when you are in the middle of your anger, as tempting as they might be. Instead, wait. Find a healthy way to communicate what needs to be communicated later on.
At the same time, find a way to express your anger. If you keep it all bottled up inside, you might end up expressing it in passive aggressive ways in all areas of your life.
Find a way to release that angry energy. Talk to a friend, join www.tantrumclub.com, take up boxercise; whatever helps. And realize the truth that the anger will pass.
Don’t numb it with alcohol or ignore it. Don’t resist it. Let it run its course. Observe the physical sensations in your body, thinks ‘where am I feeling this in my body?’ Then imagine a soothing light and feeling calming that fieriness.
Most importantly, control the way you think about it, because no matter how you might feel you do have control. The moment you decide to take on this empowering perspective, you will start to recover.
Most anger is rooted in a feeling of weakness, victimhood, betrayal. Resist the voice telling you to turn it out on other people. Instead, take responsibility for it. OWN it. You created this anger. You alone. No one else has control over you. You have 100% control over your life and your emotions. You created the anger. You can also end it. And you WILL.
It might sound tough in those heated moments, but try to feel the anger while keeping your heart open, while feeling love towards others. And don’t worry, being a bunny boiler isn’t a permanent condition!
Learn lot more about handling anger and reclaiming your emotions. Take our ‘How Messed Up Am I?’ Quiz here and find out if you’re:
After the quiz you’ll get a free PDF report on exactly which personality type you are and how to deal with it in a healthy, wholesome way to be at peace and happy once more.
I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.
With you in service
Book a Clarity Call for any divorce or break up support you need,