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Try these Simple Reframes on your Ex-relationship…

Posted on December 13th, 2010

Reframing is a technique used in therapy to help create a different way of looking at a situation, person, or relationship by changing its meaning. It’s also referred to as cognitive reframing which is a strategy coaches often use to help clients look at situations from a slightly different perspective. The essential idea behind reframing is that a person’s point-of-view depends on the frame it is viewed in. When the frame is shifted, the meaning changes and thinking and behavior often change along with it. Another way to understand the concept of reframing is to imagine looking through the frame of a camera lens. The picture seen through the lens can be changed to a view that is closer or further away. By slightly changing what is seen in the camera, the picture is both viewed and experienced differently.

Ultimately as human beings, we make meanings of events based on the filters through which we see things. It’s important to distinguish those meanings so we can get back to the facts of what happened in reality.

Deal with your failure mindset

Think about your relationship from different points of view:

  1. What are the generalisations you have made about yourself and your husband?
  2. Now think of someone you admire (friend, mentor, character from history). Imagine he/ she is watching a movie of this part of your life and step into their shoes to watch it instead. What would their comments be?
  3. Now imagine a completely neutral observer is watching the movie of your life. Step into their shoes and watch it from there – what do you notice about the interaction from this neutral perspective?
  4. Notice the differences  seen from each point of view – what do you notice?

Do this exercise with another person as well and message me to see what you have noticed…

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