Every relationship goes through more than a few rough patches. Love changes over time, and many people become disconcerted when that all-encompassing, infatuation-like love turns into something a little more steady. Excitement turns to reliability.
Then there are life’s curveballs that are thrown our way and how these can impact the state of our marriage without us even realizing it. Stress, boredom, insecurities, children, work, and much more can creep up on our marriage and before we know it, we are considering divorce.
If you’re thinking, “Should I divorce my spouse?” There are a couple of things to consider before you make a divorce decision.
At Naked Divorce, we believe you should do everything that you can to save a marriage that is worth saving, and this means asking yourself tough questions. While our Divorce Angels will help with a Divorce Assessment to give you clarity, these questions on compromise, growth, emotions, commitment and other factors could change how you feel about whether your marriage is really over.
Stress and anxiety affect the mind and body; they put us in a heightened state where we get easily overwhelmed, irritable, depressed, or angry. Minor annoyances or arguments tend to be blown out of proportion and can seem like marriage-ending events.
It’s essential that you ask yourself if there’s anything else going on in your life that could be influencing your marriage. Take a step back and look at the state of your marriage without the current situation. Understand the lens through which you are looking at your marriage.
Is the way that you are feeling actually because of the way your partner is acting? Or are you simply perceiving it that way because of outside exacerbations? It’s important to understand the difference between an unhealthy overarching theme in your marriage and simply having a tough time because you’re in a tough situation at the moment.
We’re not talking about a full-blown affair here, but sometimes a new person on the scene can make you feel wanted and more exciting than your spouse does. Casual emotional infidelity happens, whether it’s with a co-worker, gym instructor, friend, or anyone in between. Someone other than your spouse is making you feel good, and these endorphins are making you realize that your needs are not being met in your marriage.
This is an opportunity for you to talk to your spouse about what you need rather than asking for a divorce because someone makes you feel better. Remember that your spouse probably made you feel that way at the beginning of your relationship, so this feeling won’t necessarily last with anyone else.
It’s easy for the influence of an outsider to impact how you feel about your spouse, and it can cloud your judgment on whether you’re really unhappy in your marriage.
Core values are at the heart of what makes us who we are. They are the undercurrent that help us to make every single decision in our lives and most of the time, people that are married have similar core values.
Knowing what your spouse’s core values are isn’t enough, however, and it’s important that you understand these values too. Your partner might put trust at the very top of their core values because of how their mother was cheated on. This doesn’t just mean that they want you to be trustworthy when it comes to fidelity, but also that you can hold their secrets or trust you to tell them if something big is happening.
Understanding the core values of both partners is essential; it helps to explain why certain decisions are made and gives context to arguments and conflict. Once a core value is breached, it’s more difficult to repair a marriage.
If you were to leave your spouse now, would they know why you have left them? Have you properly communicated your dissatisfaction or unhappiness with your spouse? Have you told them what needs aren’t being met and how they could meet them?
Or is your spouse going to feel like they’ve been completely blindsided?
It’s essential that you communicate how you are feeling with your spouse and allow them the time and space to try and fix the things that are not working. It’s not fair to ask for a divorce before you’ve given them the opportunity to commit to making things better.
Sometimes when we’ve been with one person for an extended period of time, it gets easier to listen to them talk without truly listening. Have you taken the time to actually connect with your spouse when they are telling you something recently? This isn’t about nodding and saying “yes”, but about putting your phone down, looking your spouse in the eye and truly listening to what they are saying with love and compassion.
As humans, we are always striving for a connection, and the most important one is most likely to be from our spouse. By not listening to what your spouse is saying, you are devaluing their opinion or the issue that they are bringing to you.
If you haven’t taken the time to listen to what your spouse is saying and connecting with their reality, then it doesn’t come as much of a surprise that your marriage is on the rocks.
Unfortunately, many people only seek the help of a professional when it’s too late to repair their marriage, but that is still better than not seeing a professional at all.
Seeking out the help of a professional enables you to get to the core of what is going wrong in your marriage. It gives you both a safe space to talk openly to each other without the threat of conflict escalation, and it will enable you to see things from both sides of the marriage.
If you’re wondering whether to get a divorce and haven’t seen a professional yet, it’s time that you do.
Get Clarity with Naked Divorce
If you’re unhappy in your marriage but you’re unsure whether divorce is the right thing, then you’ve come to the right place.
At Naked Divorce, we believe that every marriage that can be saved should be, but of course, some simply can’t. Our divorce experts will do a professional Divorce Assessment and give you and your partner the clarity you need on one of the biggest decisions of your life.
If you do decide that your marriage is worth saving, then the Naked Marriage Spark Program is perfect for you. As the name suggests, The Spark Program is about keeping love alive and reigniting the passion that you used to have in your relationship.
In the program, I will give both partners the tools that they need to reset the context of the relationship. It’s an intensive form of ‘relationship school’ where you’ll learn the formula of a successful marriage, and I’ll teach you to implement it into yours.
Reach out to Naked Divorce, and we’ll be with you every step of the way.
If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.
With you in service,
Book a Clarity Call for any divorce or break up support you need,
Book your complimentary Clarity Call and discuss your situation with a trained professional today.