The fear of hurting your children’s emotions may have kept you in an unhappy marriage, but sometimes getting out is exactly what’s best for everybody. Breaking the news is never easy; however, there are ways to minimize the negatives and help guide your children through the difficult transition.
Communicate with them
From choosing the right time to tell your children to listening to their thoughts and concerns, always communicate as plainly and honestly as possible. Make it clear that the other parent is still their mum or dad and will be involved in their life. Always avoid blame and never use despairing language.
Give them reassurance in yourself
Your children will think about your emotions and worry for you as well. While it’s okay to tell them that you’re upset, reassure them that you are able to recover from this difficult situation. If you feel like venting or discussing your issues in detail, speak to friends and family or seek professional help. Placing your burdens on your children will only cause more stress for them.
Try to mediate the situation
Choosing to mediate the process will make the divorce move much faster. In addition, it will expose your children to less acrimony. Try to avoid the litigation process if possible as it will pit your spouse against you.
As much as you may want to punish your ex, parenting should always come first.
If you can both come to an agreement, it’s much better for your children. For more information on mediation procedures visit SA Law’s divorce questions page, which lists useful information for parents and carers, you can see it here: http://salaw.com/our-services/family/divorce-solicitors/divorce-questions/
Don’t let resentment get in the way of parenting
You may not love or trust your former partner anymore, but don’t let that cloud your judgement. Just because you resent them doesn’t mean they are a bad parent. Try to notice when you’re letting difficult emotions colour your perspective. If you have genuine concerns about your child’s wellbeing, find a parenting agency or organization that will help you tackle the issue.
Don’t discuss finance issues in front of them
Finance is an adult issue. If you are struggling with money and express your concerns it will affect your children’s sense of security. While it’s okay to be honest with them, some things are better off not said in the first place. If your children are old enough to understand, a positive outlook will go a long way.
Remind them that it’s not their fault
To you it’ll be obvious that your children aren’t to blame; however, children will often internalize guilty feelings and assume that they’re the cause.
Make sure both you and your spouse reinforce the idea that they aren’t to blame and that you both love them.
This is without a doubt the most important point of all. Remember that your children take precedence, and while you shouldn’t stay with your spouse for them, protecting their emotions is paramount.
If you’re looking for more information on how to handle divorce procedures, read this guide to protecting children and child trauma: DOWNLOAD IT HERE: Protecting_Children If you want any advice or support, chat to one of us at the Naked Divorce support team. We are here to help! Till next time from us at the Naked Divorce Team!