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How to Know if I Should Get a Divorce

Posted on December 1st, 2022
A couple sitting on the couch with a therapist looking unhappy

No one says, “I do,” with the intention of splitting up with their spouse. Still, things can happen that make many people rethink their vows. Deciding to divorce is one of the hardest decisions you will make in your life, and it’s important that you have really looked at it from all angles before you talk to your spouse about the divorce decision.

Perhaps you’ve grown at a different pace to your spouse or vice versa, making you incompatible. Or there’s been an external factor putting pressure on your relationship, such as immigrating, a new job, or the addition of children. There might have been infidelity, or you’re lacking intimacy, and so on.

There are tons of different things that could be impacting your marriage, but you have to decide whether you can save it or it’s best to call it quits.

Of course, every individual marriage is different, but if you’re deciding to divorce, here are some of the signs that it could be the right decision.

Abuse

You are putting yourself at risk if you stay in an abusive relationship, whether physical, sexual, emotional, or financial.

“Any kind of abuse, in my mind, is a reason to separate from a partner simply because oftentimes the abusive partner, and perhaps even the other partner, needs to do some kind of work that can’t be done while the couple is together,” says psychologist Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D.

“It’s safer for the other partner to not be with the abuser while they’re working on their own anger management type of issue.”

You Can’t Agree on Core Issues

There are a couple of core aspects that you and your partner should agree on in order to move through life together successfully. One of the most common core issues that can break a couple apart if they’re on different pages is having children. If one partner is desperate for children, while the other really doesn’t want one, then this is often a reason to end the marriage.

Other examples are religion, how to raise children, equality in the household, and much more.

Core issues are often at the heart of someone’s belief system, and if partners don’t agree on something of this magnitude, the marriage will rarely work out.

One Person Won’t Work on the Marriage

It’s no secret that every marriage will encounter a variety of challenges over the years, but it’s how couples face these challenges that will determine whether the marriage will work or not.

If you and your spouse have been going through a tough time, such as a lack of intimacy, poor communication, or high conflict, then it’s essential that both of you are willing to acknowledge and work on these issues if you want to succeed. Unfortunately, one partner can’t do all the work on their own, and they need the other person to come to the table in order to succeed.

If your partner is failing to hold up their end of the bargain and is unwilling to work on the marriage, then it might be time to say goodbye. At the end of the day, everything from small daily conversations to big issues requires the participation of both of you. The dialogue around these things cannot happen if your partner is unwilling to take part in them.

Broken Trust That’s Irreparable

Trust is one of the most crucial aspects of any relationship, and it’s the bedrock of a good marriage. Of course, infidelity is one of the most common ways that people destroy trust in a relationship. While some of the time it’s not a deal breaker, in most relationships, cheating is non-negotiable.

If you or your spouse have been unfaithful, but you have decided that it’s worth staying in the relationship, then it’s incredibly important that you are able to fully forgive and make peace with your partner and vice versa. If you or your partner are dredging up the issue every time there’s an argument or fight, or if either of you is holding a grudge, then chances are that your marriage is not going to work in the long run.

A Lack of Respect

There simply has to be mutual respect in a healthy marriage. Both partners must feel accepted and heard by the other. If one partner is feeling dismissed, unheard, or rejected, the marriage is no longer a safe and nurturing relationship to be in.

When marriages reach this point, it often means that there is little civility and tons of attacking or defending from either side. The worst-case scenario is that this lack of respect actually turns into contempt.

Contempt makes one partner feel superior to the other, and they might actually feel disgust toward their spouse. Contempt from either partner attacks the sense of self of the other, and this form of resentment often signals the end of a relationship, as it leaves no room for intimacy or connection.

We Can Help You No Matter What Your Decision Is

At Naked Divorce, we believe that every marriage deserves a chance to be saved, but we also know that some divorces are also for the best. That’s why I have created a series of different packages and programs for a variety of scenarios that will help you on your journey.

Our divorce experts will do a professional Divorce Assessment and give you and your partner the clarity you need on one of the biggest decisions of your life. From this point forward, we either help you along your divorce journey to make it as smooth as possible, or we can help you reignite the flame in your marriage with our Spark Program. The Spark Program is an intensive form of ‘relationship school’ where you’ll learn the formula of a successful marriage, and I’ll teach you to implement it into your own relationship.

Get in touch with us at Naked Divorce and we will be with you every step of the way.

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With you in service,
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