Whether you had a good marriage or a bad one; regardless of if you were married for over 20 years or just a few, divorce is one of the hardest transitions that many people will have to make in their lives. Getting through divorce is no walk in the park.
The fact of the matter is that getting through a divorce doesn’t happen overnight. You’ve been intertwined with another person for a long time and separating back into an individual existence is daunting and it takes time and effort.
In this post, I’m going to outline the stages of grief during the divorce process, the main elements that will impact how long it takes you to get through a divorce and the different timelines that we offer here at Naked Divorce when using our programs.
The Stages of Grief and Getting Through a Divorce
There’s no doubt that getting over a divorce is a journey of transition and many people don’t realize that people in this process are in fact going through the stages of grief that are similar to those experienced when a loved one passes away. The difference is that when someone passes away, friends and family tend to give you the time you need to grieve and heal, but you’re expected to get over the dissolution of a marriage much faster.
At Naked Divorce, we actually deal with 10 different stages of grief, as opposed to the usual 5-7. We take into account the in-between moments that could set you back and help you work through the following process to help you heal and move on with your life.
Denial: Trying to avoid the fact that your loved one wants to get a divorce is only natural. The initial shock is a big one and many people will deny that their marriage is coming to an end and will do anything to avoid having to deal with it.
Anger and Betrayal: How could your loved one betray you like this? You’ve given them everything for many years and yet they are still leaving you. This is the stage in which a person will let their emotions loose. They are angry, emotional and feel betrayed.
Panic and negotiation: Once the anger subsides, many people will try to negotiate their way out of a divorce, they will bargain with their partner, promising to change, lose weight, or make any kind of deal to get their partner to stay.
Humiliation, Fear of Failure, or Looking Bad: Self-depreciation is an awful side of divorce where someone will avoid seeing friends and family due to a feeling of humiliation and failure. These are the side-effects of the societal stigma around the breakdown of a marriage.
Despair: This is when people realize that there’s nothing that they can do to stop what’s about to happen and it’s usually accompanied by a strong feeling of anxiety and hopelessness.
Loss, Grief and Depression: Finally, it sinks in that the divorce is happening, no matter what you do about it. It’s heart wrenching and is normally the moment when people give in to the true grieving stage.
Space and Nothingness: Many people spend what feels like forever crying and grieving over the loss of their relationship, and then suddenly it stops. The person doesn’t feel any better or any worse, just empty and like they have nothing more to give to the process of grief.
Acceptance: Finally, they accept what has happened and they start looking forward to the best ways that they can move on.
Responsibility and Forgiveness: This is where they admit that they probably had something to do with the breakdown of the relationship. They take responsibility for their part and start to forgive themselves and their ex for what happened before and during the divorce journey.
Gratitude: Gratitude is one of the most important aspects of the healing process. It is absolutely transformational for someone to be able to look back and learn lessons from their relationship and divorce and how they can use this to shape a more positive future for themselves.
Three Critical Elements of Getting Over a Divorce
While many people will tell you about the different aspects that impact how long it takes to get over and heal from a divorce, I truly believe that these are the three main elements that will impact how long or short this process is for you.
In this case, we are going to concentrate on the third element and how the intensity of your divorce coaching and therapy can impact how long it takes you to get through divorce.
Intensity and Healing from Divorce
Like many things in life, divorce is something that should be tackled head on. If you could imagine someone trying to get fit: Are they going to see more results by going for a run once a week, or doing consistent, intense workouts throughout the week, as well as healthy eating and other wellness exercises? Obviously, the person doing the latter is going to get fitter, faster and will be more likely to maintain a healthy lifestyle through the other wellness aspects of their program.
This is how I see long-term, non-intensive therapy versus the Naked Divorce programmes. Let’s take a closer look at our two most popular programmes and how they help you heal from divorce.
The 21 Day Program
Our most popular course is completed in just 21 days and we guarantee that you will leave the course with what you set out to achieve. Why is that? Because this course is incredibly intensive. There is work and exercises to finish every single day. The energy, commitment and focus it takes to get through this course is hugely demanding, but you also have the support to complete it.
Now, you compare this to going for non-intensive therapy once a week and you’re likely to be going to these sessions for YEARS. I’m not saying that therapists don’t do excellent work, just that if you don’t have the intensity in your healing journey that you need, then it’s going to take a lot longer than it should.
I created this course because I saw people suffering through non-intensive healing for years, and no one wants to suffer for this long. Time is something that we can never get back and I wanted to offer my clients something to help them get stuck into the process immediately so that they could move on with their lives in a healthy and happy way.
You can see more on our 21 Day Course here.
Retreats: When you don’t have 21 days
We also have two different Retreats at Naked Divorce, for those that simply don’t have the luxury of taking 21 days to heal. Of course, the intensity of these retreats is ramped up even more.
These retreats have seen CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, business owners, judges, doctors, lawyers and many other high achievers that simply can’t take the time out to commit to the 21 Day Course.
They allow us to do face-to-face and private consultations with clients in a location, space and environment that we have defined. This removes people from their work, family and social triggers and allows us to do the incredibly intense work that needs to be done in a short space of time.
The time is much shorter, the intensity is much higher and the results are much more profound. In fact, therapists and physiologists are one of the most common professions that we see in our Retreats and I think that says a lot.
Our Retreats really are life-changing and are the quickest way to get through a divorce and come out the other side healthy, happy and ready for the future.
Find out more about our Retreats here.
Heal From Your Divorce With Our Help
At Naked Divorce, we are all about giving you the right emotional support and momentum to ensure that you can get on with the rest of your life as quickly as possible. Book a free Clarity Call with Naked Divorce and find out what the best option is for a better and brighter future after divorce.
If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.
With you in service,
Book a Clarity Call for any divorce or break up support you need,