Why You Are Not YOU in a Trauma | The Naked Divorce

Don’t Do It! Why You Are Not YOU In a Trauma

I’m still chuckling from a hilarious call with Teresa, one of my Angels-in-Training in the States.

We could not stop laughing about the things we have to do to keep our groups on track on the 21-day program.

Just the other day someone posted that they were ‘just settling into the garden chilling enjoying a beer’. I was on it immediately with a clear ‘NOOOO REMEMBER NO DRINKING DURING EMOTIONAL RELEASE PHASE’ and they said ‘oh yes, totally forgot’ and then promised to stick to the rules.

Only a week ago I stopped someone from ruining his financial negotiation as he was ranting about all kinds of ultimatums. I had to stop someone else from going on a £7000 credit card spree.

Basically, YOU are NOT YOU in a trauma.

And one of my angels Teresa was telling me about intercepting her client minutes before she was about to cut up all her ex’s shirts and hang them up on the washing line!

Phew. Keeping everyone on track so they exit their relationship with grace and ensuring that they are safe and their transformation is guaranteed is both amusing and a core part of the job.

Why you are literally a different person during trauma

Whenever we go through tough traumatic times, our brains actually function differently. With heightened stress, the amount of adrenalin and cortisol in our body increases and cortisol suppresses our hippocampal function so we literally cannot think straight.

Basically, YOU are NOT YOU in a trauma. This is why people behave a bit weird when going through a divorce, bereavement, or they lost their job or trying to get out of an abusive relationship or they had an accident; they cannot help it.

A little compassion please

Although there are many things which can be done to restore equilibrium, for some people they get stuck in this place and it’s a horrible place to be in – not being you or feeling like yourself.

Compassion for anyone experiencing a weird time is critical, so in a trauma it helps to have someone who keeps you from shaving your head, selling everything to find yourself in Bali, or leaving those bunny boiler voicemails.

Remember to have compassion for yourself in those weird moments, and for anyone else who’s going through one!

When the auto-pilot takes over

During weird times, we are often on auto-pilot and not even conscious of how we behave, what we say or the Short Term Emotion Avoidance Tactics we adopt to cope. It’s only once you have processed everything that you are YOU again.

Without strong guidance and rules in place, the processing and transformation just doesn’t get done. This is what makes trauma therapy SO epic. So if you’re struggling, find yourself an Angel who embraces #sheepdogging who will help you reclaim your life again.

It’s the best job in the world holding people to who they really are.




If you’d like a little compassion and guidance right now, get in touch. We’re here to help!