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Divorce is a unique and valuable opportunity. Will you use it?

Posted on July 16th, 2019
Divorce can stimulate personal growth

Consider that instead of biding your time to get over your divorce or waiting for ‘time to heal all wounds’, you could use the intense force of this divorce and change in your life to stimulate personal growth…

Ilya Prigogine, who won a Nobel prize for Chemistry in 1977 is widely regarded as the Isaac Newton of our time. Essentially his work centered on a concept called dissipative structures and something called PERTURBATION

Most systems found in nature are not in harmonious equilibrium because they are continuously subject to flux of matter and energy to and from other systems. 

In other words, things in nature are always changing!

Perturbation is the driving force behind evolution of organisms as it refers to the alteration of biological systems induced by external or internal pressure. If an organism experiences external pressure, it will reach a threshold of vibration where it one of two things will happen:

Result No: 1
The organism is ‘lucky’ enough to have a strong ‘container’ or cocoon which holds it in place while it reorders itself into something more complex so it can withstand the pressure and in so doing take on the properties of the pressure applied to it 


Result No: 2
The organism is unfortunate to be left alone and will move to a state of chaos or disintegrate due to the pressure. This is called entropy.

Prigogine’s revolutionary work was adapted further into the field of human behaviour through Marilyn Ferguson’s book ‘The Acquarian Conspiracy’. Her work explained that how we handle changes thrown at us completely determines our transformation or disintegration. 

Trauma Therapy…

In trauma therapy, the same principles apply and hundreds of years of research has gone into properly containing people before leading them through transformative processes.

The reason most divorce counselling doesn’t work and people take so long to heal is that the principles of Perturbation were not properly applied.

Caption: Kimberley, South Africa

My Personal Story:

I grew up in a town called Kimberley in my native South Africa.

Kimberley is known for its diamond mines and kimberlite pipes. Whilst growing up, I became fascinated with how diamonds are formed as it was a natural marvel to me that something as dark and ugly as coal could transform into a brilliant diamond.

I began to study these Kimberlite pipes and found that they are funnel-shaped and produced as a result of a volcanic eruption, a few hundred meters in diameter.

They narrow with depth, becoming a narrow ‘container’ which extends deep into the earth’s crust. Thousands of diamonds are produced inside these Kimberlite pipes under extreme heat and pressure to the extent that Kimberlite pipes cause the single biggest deposits of diamonds worldwide.

So what does this have to do with your divorce?

Well, studying how nature works and how organisms evolve under great pressure gives us some insights into how human beings may transform under pressure too.

To explain more about how this impacts you dealing with your divorce, let’s look at the how dark ugly coal transforms into a brilliant diamond.

  1. Coal (graphite) and diamond are of course both primarily carbon. For coal to become a diamond, the carbon atoms have to be re-arranged into a new pattern.
  2. To change the atomic ordering of coal into a diamond requires high heat and high pressure (like try temperatures of over 1000 degrees Celsius and many thousands of atmospheres pressure).
  3. To ensure the coal does not disintegrate in the process of this change or perturbation, it requires a very strong ‘container’ holding it together whilst this immense pressure and heat is applied or the coal will break up into dust.
  4. If the coal is held together in such a strong ‘container’, the heat breaks down the current bonds to free up the carbon atoms, and energize them to bond in a tightly packed fashion…and voila – a diamond.
  5. A Kimberlite pipe is just such a container and not only does it hold the coal together, it can handle a volcanic eruption which is so violent that it carries up coal fragments from the mantle fast enough that rapid cooling preserves the diamonds.

In the same way as coal is transformed into a diamond, this type of Perturbation exists for human beings as well.

In all the trauma work we do with our clients, we spend most of the time creating such a ‘container’ with people to help them adapt to change and hold their lives together in the process.

In my experience, without a ‘container’ in place, the change usually goes very badly. Similar to the immense heat or pressure being applied to the coal – Divorce is a very chaotic change and represents that huge heat being applied to your life right now.

If you don’t consciously create a strong Divorce Cocoon to hold yourself together, your divorce could literally break you up into pieces and eat away at your self confidence, esteem and possibly leave you bitter or full of resentment.

Adele Theron

As Prigogine suggested, if an organism has a strong cocoon which holds it in place, it can reorder itself into something more complex so it can withstand the pressure.

Much like a moth who transforms itself into a butterfly, the Naked Divorce is designed to create such a Divorce Cocoon which if followed, can support you to hold yourself and your life together whilst you withstand the heat and pressure from your divorce.

Caption: Ilya Prigogine

When you have this powerful foundation, you can withstand and USE the heat and pressure from this huge change in your life as a catalyst to transform yourself into anything you want to be – a diamond or butterfly. Learn more about our therapy techniques here

It also means you can heal faster!

Through your transformation, you will take on the properties of the pressure applied to your life in the form of being stronger and you extend our ability to take on difficult challenges because of who you will become as a result of your divorce.

The Naked Divorce has developed it’s own trauma therapeutic techniques based on hundreds of years of tried and tested trauma processes together with this premise of Perturbation to enable people like you to create transformation in your life.

The 21-day program is based on years of tried and tested trauma techniques that I have studied and mastered in a post grad on Trauma and PTSD.

What is different is that Perturbation gives everyone access to these techniques in their own home by utilising the principles of self healing.

TIP: Make use of this heartbreak, this pain, this Perturbation which has thrust you into a hurricane or forest fire. This is a unique opportunity to grow, develop and become the person you always wanted to be…

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service
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