A huge pile of laundry lay on the couch waiting to be ironed, and used tissues were everywhere. The house was in absolute chaos, I didn’t feel like doing anything. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin.
I’d read 27 books on breaking up in two weeks. I’d spoken to two therapists. I had spoken to a counselor. I’d listened to music. I listened to a personal development CD. I spoke to friends. Nothing helped. I was going crazy!
The truth is, without the faintest understanding of divorce etiquette, I had no idea how to deal with myself and my emotions, my ex-husband and others around me. I had no idea where to even begin, and my lack of knowledge was taking me on a steep downward spiral away from recovery.
I created my own structured system for recovery using my skills as a corporate change specialist – now of course the 21-Day Divorce Coach system.
Key to this was learning and understanding good divorce etiquette, which gave me the strength, belief and strategy to follow the recovery steps with power and decorum, and get back to a happy, normal life.
Without adopting the right etiquette and code of conduct, you can’t separate yourself from the bitter and twisted version of yourself you could become if you allowed yourself to descend into self pity or loathing of your ex.
And even when you find and believe in a real strategy for recovery, your anger, panic or eratic emotions will short-circuit and sabotage your best efforts to walk out of this with your head held high.
Without strong, proven divorce etiquette to make you feel anchored in reality, you won’t trust your own judgment, and you’ll believe all types of contradictory advice thrown at you by well-meaning friends and authors. Like ‘don’t cry, there are plenty more fish in the sea, time heals all wounds, you must stay active, don’t mope about, be strong for your children / mother / brother.’ All of which are unhelpful and even damaging myths.
Without knowing how, facing your emotions can seem terrifying. And if you check out instead, as many do, you won’t be able to recover at all. Correct divorce etiquette allows you to face your emotions with some certainty, strategy and decorum. Knowing there’s freedom and recovery on the other side.
It’s so important how you deal with your ex. The right plan and code of conduct will give you a structure to minimize contact without going cold turkey, and work towards understanding, forgiveness and even one day friendship – for your true peace of mind and recovery.
Without the right etiquette many also get drawn back to having sex with their ex, which doesn’t help you in any way to get a clean break and closure.
You need a game plan and a great deal of personal strength to deal with your kids in a way that leaves them unharmed by the experience. Also, dealing with your friends and family – especially with the clumsy and strange ways they speak and act around you – is so important to saving your relationships while you recover.
Keeping your career on track while coping with a divorce is like juggling eggs; you have to remain focused to continue performing, and falling apart is not an option.
With work, knowing the right etiquette is all-important. Without it, your life will be so much worse when you finally do recover.
A shocking 56% of second marriages end in divorce, and 72% of third marriages fail too. But if you follow the right steps, code of conduct, and process your divorce properly, you’ll be able to move onto a fulfilling, loving, happy relationship that lasts.
It’s easy to get trapped in a never-ending cycle of self-help break up books, therapists and counselors. But when you feel the power and hope that comes with knowing the right strategy and etiquette, and having the right support, then you’ll be focused on real recovery as quickly as possible.
No more messing or moping around. Contrary to what most therapists will tell you, recovering from your divorce should take weeks, not months and years.
If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.
With you in service
Book a Clarity Call for any divorce or break up support you need,
Book your complimentary Clarity Call and discuss your situation with a trained professional today.
2 thoughts on “7 Reasons Your Bad Divorce Etiquette is Stopping Your Recovery”
FYI: The link to the free ebook on Facebook doesn’t work.
Hi Kate – thank you so much for bringing that to our attention. We really apologise for the inconvenience. The link is here: https://www.nakeddivorce.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Naked_Divorce_Etiquette_of_Divorce_Report.pdf. All the best with your healing! The Angels