Why am I Supporting Others During My Divorce

Divorce is a challenging journey, but what happens when, amidst your own heartache, you find yourself being the emotional support for everyone else? This paradox is more common than you might think, and today, I want to explore why it happens and how you can navigate it.

The Emotional Burden of the Supportive Rock

From the moment my clients walk through the door at Naked Divorce, a recurring theme emerges: “Why am I the one going through the divorce, yet I’m emotionally supporting everyone else?” This scenario is all too familiar for those who are used to being the strong one in their social circles. When your identity is wrapped up in being the stable rock for others, suddenly needing support can feel like stepping into an alien world.

Being the one who always takes care of others means you have a set role—a box, if you will. Climbing out of that box during your time of need can be jarring, not just for you, but for those around you. They might not know how to react or support you because you’ve always been the one supporting them.

Why Do We Do It?

There are several reasons why you might find yourself supporting others during your divorce. Firstly, if you’re accustomed to taking care of other people, it can become second nature. This tendency might become more pronounced during your divorce as a way to keep the peace or avoid drama. By focusing on others, you can divert attention from your own pain and grief.

This strategy, while understandable, can be detrimental in the long run. It’s known as a short-term emotion avoidance tactic. Over time, avoiding your own grief by focusing on others can delay your healing process. You need to allow yourself the space and time to grieve and process what has happened.

The Responsibility Trap

Many of us have a deep-seated sense of responsibility towards others. This can extend even into our times of personal crisis. If you always worry about how everyone else is doing, it’s crucial to recognize this pattern. Over-focusing on others during your trauma is not only a diversion tactic but also a way to avoid facing your own emotions.

Your relationships might also be set up in a one-way system where support is given but not received. This imbalance can leave you feeling isolated and alone when you need support the most. Many of my clients who are the givers and the rocks find themselves in this lonely place during their divorce.

The Pain of Isolation

Divorce can be less about the end of a marriage and more about the overwhelming feelings of loneliness and isolation it brings. The trauma often lies not in the divorce itself but in the aftermath—the loss of identity, the shame, and the perceived failure. These feelings can make you feel like a leper, untouchable and shunned, spiraling into deeper emotional turmoil.

Seeking and Finding Emotional Support

During this time, seeking emotional support is crucial. Sharing your experience with others can help melt away the shame and isolation you feel. However, be mindful of the type of support you seek. Group therapy can be beneficial, but it’s a gamble. You might encounter dominant personalities that overshadow your healing journey.

The key is to find someone who can bear witness to your pain and support you with love and care. This kind of emotional scaffolding is vital when you feel unsupported by your community.

Call to Action

If you’re navigating the tumultuous waters of divorce and find yourself supporting everyone else, know that you’re not alone. Your experience is shared by many, and there is hope and help available. At Naked Divorce, we understand the intricate dynamics of emotional support during such a challenging time. Reach out to us, and let’s walk this journey together, ensuring you get the support you need to heal and thrive.

Navigating divorce is hard enough without the added burden of supporting everyone else. By recognizing these patterns and seeking the right support, you can begin to focus on your own healing. Remember, it’s okay to need help—you’re worthy of support too.

Get in touch with Naked Divorce if you need support on your divorce journey.

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With you in service,

 

 

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