“Mommy, was it my fault?”
This heart-wrenching question leaves countless parents speechless when navigating the stormy seas of divorce. How do you explain to your child, caught between two worlds, that their family is changing but their foundation is not crumbling?
If you’re feeling the weight of this responsibility, you’re not alone. Today, we’re diving into the art of Divorce Communication—how to deliver crucial messages to your child during one of the most emotionally complex times in their lives. Let’s break the silence and uncover the three life-changing things your children need to hear from you.
Children between the ages of 4 and 11 live in a space that is part reality, part fantasy—a realm governed by something psychologists call “magical thinking.”
Magical thinking allows kids to believe their thoughts or actions can influence the world around them. For example, a child might think:
This mindset offers them a sense of control in a chaotic situation but can also burden them with misplaced guilt and responsibility for the divorce.
To help your child break free from this trap, you need to emphasize three critical messages. These aren’t just words; they are lifelines that anchor their fragile emotions during a time of uncertainty.
Children often internalize blame when parents separate. It’s essential to assure them, early and often, that they are not the cause of the divorce.
Explain in simple, direct terms:
By removing their perceived guilt, you release them from a heavy emotional burden they should never carry.
For a child deeply entrenched in magical thinking, the belief that they can “fix” the divorce is both a hope and a source of anxiety.
Be clear about the reality:
This helps them understand that the outcome is out of their hands, giving them permission to focus on being a kid rather than carrying the weight of the family on their shoulders.
Perhaps the deepest fear children have during a divorce is abandonment. If one parent can leave the other, does that mean they could leave me too?
Reassure them with unwavering consistency:
If co-parenting arrangements are in place, make them feel part of the plan. This clarity provides a sense of security when they need it most.
Divorce is an emotional earthquake for the whole family, but children experience it uniquely. They crave stability in a world that suddenly feels unstable. These three messages—It’s not your fault, You can’t fix this, We will never leave you—are like beams of light guiding them through the fog.
Divorce communication is never easy, but it’s one of the most critical acts of love you can give your child during this time. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
At Naked Divorce, we specialize in helping parents like you create a communication plan tailored to your family’s needs. Whether you’re just starting this journey or feeling stuck, our team is here to support you.
Take a deep breath. You’ve got this.
Want to learn more? Click here to book a clarity call with us. Let’s tackle this together, one step at a time.
Your family’s story is changing—but with the right tools, this chapter can become a story of resilience and love. Start writing that story today.
Salli Andrews
For a more personalized approach to your healing journey, book a free Clarity Call now. Our coaches are here to help you take your first steps towards healing. Check out our Resources or our Videos on YouTube.
Book your complimentary Clarity Call and discuss your situation with a trained professional today.