I am sitting here on 13th February feeling really OK about Valentine’s Day tomorrow! If I hadn’t done the course I know I would still feel fractured and scattered and unable to focus on my own journey and probably I would still be torturing myself over what my ex is doing.
I am left feeling so pleased that I did the course and that I had the courage to look at myself so honestly. That is key, willingness to look at your stuff in totally truth. It is the only way to have a future relationship.
I feel grounded and sane and able to make decisions based on a very open, non toxic view of my ex and my life.
Also what I find to be simply amazing is that I have NO desire at all to find someone new now even though my ex appears to have jumped to a new partner. I did the work on the course and I know that life doesn’t re-build in a few weeks and I feel very happy to keep my body and my life private and sacred until I feel ready to date again. My ability to discern and make choices for a future man is real and practical now.
The ‘me’ of old would have jumped to the next relationship without healing from the past and OMG I don’t want to do that again ever. Although I did a lot of work on myself 2 years before meeting my ex and had been a relationship coach, I realised that there are simple fundamental things that each person in a relationship needs and they can’t be ignored. My ex and I also had a spiritual connection with self growth was TOO much in our dynamic which to me blinded the reality of us as ‘real’ people.
The programme was simply brilliant with some definite magic contained within it. I felt held and comforted and each day I had good time to purge and throw all my feelings and thoughts into my journal. SO whenever I felt weak and wanted to text or email my ex, I knew I had work to do. So it became quite easy not to contact him.
The cocoon phase I really enjoyed. I made my bedroom so cozy and comforting and my daily work space felt very nurturing. I really did take care of myself and kept to the no STREATS.
I did fall off the wagon after only 2-3 days on the course after having a couple of alcoholic drinks at a friends party. I told myself it wouldn’t matter but OMG…it pulled me up so hard. I did the piece around my own integrity and OH BOY it landed like a boulder and made me look at so many others things and really highlighted to me where and who with, I was out of integrity. SUCH a useful exercise and focused me then for the rest of the course with new eyes. Such a good feeling.
During the early part of the metamorphosis phase I had 2 breakthroughs.
One that I didn’t really ever feel physical chemistry with my ex. I kept it buried all along (and I don’t bury things normally) , even though I felt so loved by Joel and the sex we had was wonderful. What was such a revelation to me was that previously, I had been very physical with men and had decided (unconsciously) that it never kept my man, so somehow I attracted a man who I didn’t fancy so I didn’t have to feel that insecurity and pain. It was such a lightbulb. Scary but when the truth came up to admit that day I wept so many tears of forgiveness for Joel and it really swept away all the hurt and bitterness.
The second was the tantrum day. I purged a lot but only in about 15 minutes so I worried at first that I had not done it right…however I felt the nothingness, a kind of ‘I’m done’ feeling and what I remember screaming last…the real core wound ‘I am fed up with being the good girl’ – there it was. A life of trying to be good and yet not honouring or even liking the me that was my shadow side. I have always struggled to accept her.
These 2 were WOW! moments for me and they occurred only 5 days apart. From then I felt resolved, calm and really like I had done what I needed to do.
Today I feel like I love myself so much more. I feel I have loved my inner child like never before and honoured my ALL of my feelings. The kind ones and the painful ones. I feel whole and complete and feel that I have placed all the pieces of a scattered jigsaw into a new picutre for my future. I feel resolute and bold and confident and like WOW I am such a great catch now. I feel good about being alone and re-building my life feel my self love and respect is actually intact. My life long neediness has vanished and in such a short space of time I am over my ex largely. I still think of him and love him but that love feels light an healthy and with no pain attached.
The way the course is built has such a natural flow and each piece is as important as the last. The depth and knowledge you gain is unbelievable and SO many people just would never know about relationships until they do this course. You must develop the knowledge to take into schools!
Millions of people are uneducated and unaware of the dynamics and what is actually happening in relationships and that breeds children who don’t know how to relate healthily. We have a responsibility to nurture future generations with this knowledge so we can create more open, dialogically healthy and loving relationships based on healing and growth from the past.