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"This is a conversation that children will remember for the rest of their lives. Whilst there's no perfect way to break the news, there are ways to alleviate some of the sting"
M. Gary Neuman, author of Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce
Telling your kids about your pending divorce may be the most difficult conversation you’ll ever have. Even if the announcement isn’t a huge surprise — perhaps you’re already separated or you’ve been arguing constantly — it’s only natural for children to want their parents and their family to stay together. Having to dash that dream is tough.
The vast majority of people tell their children about the divorce whilst they are upset which creates a massive trauma in their childrens’ lives. Some people lean on their kids during the divorce or feel a strong need for their love or reassurance. All these actions are detrimental to your children.
Research shows that when you handle your divorce well, the children adjust remarkably well with the new situation. Telling them well sets up the whole context for the divorce and the context dictates alot about how the divorce will be perceived by them. Separating well is a function of having the right focus, support and careful progression through the stages of transition.
Risks caused by not telling children well about your divorce are significant and real both physically and mentally.
Data: Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment” Sage Publications, 1988
Data: National Health Interview Survey on Child Health, Journal of Marriage and the Family
Data: Angel, Worobey, “Single Motherhood and Children’s Health” Harvard University Press 1981
As an expert working in divorce for over 12 years, a big mistake is telling kids when you are not in the best space. There’s also certain information which is critical to helping them adapt to the change and develop resiliency to change. How you tell your children sets the context for their experience of the whole divorce. Understanding some critical elements helps prepare you to handle this conversation and subsequent parenting conversations POWERFULLY.
Telling the Kids program works alongside Separation Shift to help couples prepare and support their children through their divorce in the best way possible.
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*taken from over 6132 participants over 6 years
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