I was confused and in desperate need of help during my divorce. Our couples therapy was so bad that the therapist 'sacked' us and honestly, I was at a loss. I didn't want to dwell on the past and see therapists who would take me right back to childhood etc as I'm impatient and wanted to focus on my future. I wanted help that would move me into a better state of mind, so that I could concentrate on becoming a positive person after my divorce, rather than staying on the emotional roller coaster that I was on.
The strange thing was that everyone told me I was doing so well because I had dealt with the whole situation efficiently. I had all Divorce
paperwork sorted in under 5 months from D-Day. I agree, I did look in fact look 'fine' and I was functioning 'finely', but I knew I needed help. I felt so anger inside and so emotional when I was alone at night. However much I appeared to be 'fine', I knew deep down, I was really a nuclear power plant, on the brink of a meltdown. I'd probably be ok and never meltdown and life would turn out 'fine', but I felt lacking, and I knew hat something needed to be fixed inside me. I didn't want to be 'fine' because I wanted to be absolutely, wonderfully successful in my new future- 'fine' didn't feel enough.
With the above niggling at me constantly, I stumbled on the Naked Divorce whilst searching for somewhere to go for a weekend away. I'd input 'Where to go after divorce...yoga retreats....' I was desperate to get away for some Me-time. Everyone says time heals but I wasn't too sure. Does it? Or do you just forget and store your anger and bitterness somewhere else in your mind? I didn't feel I could truly move on without ridding my anger and I truly wanted to find forgiveness in my heart. I'd read a lot of self help information and knew I had to forgive my Ex in order to free myself, but I just didn't know how. It all seemed quite ridiculous that I had to forgive him for myself to heal. It didn't make sense to me because I was so hurt by him. I didn't even believe it was achievable. I thought a little time to process, was better than nothing as I really didn't find normal counseling useful for my aims to heal. Hence my search for some kind of get-away, yoga or mediation retreat was on.
Somehow, after a few unfruitful searches, the Naked Divorce came up and I half- heartedly looked at the website. To be honest, it looked a bit jovial and I didn't take it seriously. However, I read through the site and tried to find independent reviews and though it sounded fantastic, part of me felt, could this really exist like the website says? Are they for real, as I could not verify the information anywhere on the Web and only on their website. I searched Adele Theron and found an article on her in the Daily Mirror and discovered she had written a book, but I was still worried that it was all a huge internet con, that a con group had used this lady's name and credentials to set up a scam. I was so mistrusting after the lies and betrayal from my marriage that my mind was very cautious. Also, even if this lady, Adele, was real, I was skeptical about whether they could achieve their aims to heal one's mind, for my mind was a complete mess!
It took me right out of my comfort zone to commit to paying fully for the course (that I had never heard of) but in hindsight, it was the best thing I had done in a very very long time. Actually, I can now say, it is the best thing I have EVER done for myself. My friends were concerned that I was being being out of character and doing some crazy course like dying my hair purple. I confessed that I really didn't feel 'fine' and that I was actually still very raw, angry, bitter and out of control. Only you will know how you truly feel- no-one else.
I embarked on the course not knowing what to do or expect. It seemed to be a jump in the dark, but once I'd signed up, the Naked Divorce team just ran like clockwork. The Prep work was exhausting for me, as I had so much going on in my life at the time, but I could understand why it was needed. I decided to put my faith in the Team and just followed my schedule that they'd organized for me and put my faith into the program. One thing about the course is that you must commit to it fully because every bit is necessary to in order to achieve the unbelievable result at the end.
It's hard to describe what exactly takes place over the program. I chose the Haven 7 day option. I left my kids at home and took a plane and checked myself into a hotel and just followed the team's instructions. I like to do things quickly and efficiently so 7 days was a perfect option for me. I just wanted to go there and sort myself out and that's exactly what happened! I met with Adele daily for my sessions and did my online homework in my hotel room afterwards. It sounds incredibly boring, but it isn't as you are constantly learning and discovering yourself each day and I went to do some touristy stuff in between. It was intense but I enjoyed my time and the self- discovery is amazing. It's difficult to describe it in words as it is such a life changing experience. I have grown so much and I feel I understand myself for the first time in my entire life. I've never been analytical of myself, never thought that I did anything to hurt my Ex, in effect, I never looked at why I am me. There is no hocus-pocus involved in the Haven and everything's very structured and well planned. All you have to do is commit to the plan and do the work with your true heart. Be honest with yourself and things will just fall into place. I can't think of anything else that gives you this level of guidance and support.
The Haven took soul searching to another level. Over 7 days, I was able to understand why my marriage failed, when it started going wrong and then blame? I had always blamed my Ex for having an affair and leaving us nowhere to hide but to have a divorce. Well, I am shocked really - gobsmacked. What should I say? In my eyes and everyone else's for that matter, I was a perfect wife, so how could I possibly be blamed for anything? The Haven took me on a journey and I can now see the dynamics of 23 years with my husband. I'm not an easy case, as we have two lovely boys and so many years of togetherness to account for. I was so broken and hurt that I honestly didn't think it was possible to fix me. The Haven showed me how to release my anger and pain, it's far from easy, but Adele is wonderful and she got me through it. I found this part most difficult and although I knew I was angry, I didn't think I was that bottled up inside. The rest clicks into place as she took me through the healing process, one day at a time. It is totally achievable for everyone as long as you commit to the work and your schedule.
In just seven days, I honestly say that my anger towards my Ex has gone, I know where we went wrong, I can take responsibility for the blame and it certainly wasn't just his fault (though no one is condoning his affair). I don't feel the hurt I did before, when I think about his affairs. Be clear, the Haven doesn't brainwash you in any way, it doesn't condone infidelity or wrongs that your partner may have done, but it makes you see the patterns and reasons why things turned out the way they did.
At the end of the Haven, I felt I could forgive my Ex realizing that I contributed to the failure in our marriage too. The Haven doesn't stop anger or emotions but encourages the feelings and teaches you how to deal with them and then move on with life. It's very difficult to explain, but I left the program feeling reborn and new. I know that sounds so cliche but it's true. My whole outlook has shifted about my Ex, about me, and even my mother! Now, I'm positive and unafraid of what my future brings. I can look at my Ex without the anger and grief and close the chapter of our lives together as husband and wife. I have chosen to co-parent our boys with him and we will be fine. In fact, I know we will be more than fine because The Haven has given me the skills to be constructive and confident, for I now understand who I am and who he is and what my boys need from me.
At the start of the Haven, I told Adele that my priority were my boys and I don't want a new man in my life or to be married ever again. Now, having looked into the mechanics of relationships, I am not so sure I want to deprive myself of love from someone new. I feel I understand the formula for happy relationships and know what to look out for, if I do ever have one. Also, how to keep that relationship happy, as I now know where I went wrong the first time around.
It really does sound too magical and definitely too good to be true, but I've been on a journey to understanding myself and learning the skills needed for all successful relationships in the future, be it with my family, my boys or a new partner. The most wonderful thing is that it was only 7 days ago that I was so confused and hurting and now, just 7 days on, I feel I'm the very best version of myself and not just a fixed up one!
I'm so thankful The Naked Divorce came up on that internet search as a I feel healed and ready to begin my new adventure in life with my boys and Ex.