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‘Change’ like boiling a frog
Managing change is a bit like boiling a frog. Charlie Munger, Warren Buffett’s partner at Berkshire Hathaway gave a speech at the Harvard Law School in 1995. In this speech, Munger cited a small lesson from frogs. He said: “If you throw a frog into very hot water, the frog will jump out, but if you put the […]
Read MoreCling On – or let go? Pt2
In the first part of this series, I talked about how all humans have a basic need to feel safe and secure, and how to make sure that you offer that to your partner in ways that are healthy and not controlling or counterproductive. But this is only the tip of the iceberg. Or, in […]
Read MoreCling On – or let go? Pt1
They take no notice of me. They don’t support me or show any interest in my job, or my passions, or my interests. They don’t listen. They seem bored when we’re together. I don’t feel they’re proud to be with me. They don’t call or text to see how I’m doing. They’re always too busy […]
Read MoreTime heals. Really?
Do people keep telling you to give yourself time to heal? That you just need to put some distance between yourself and your trauma? Simply wait for long enough and you’ll feel much better, get over it, and move on. Well… tell them to get stuffed. Time is not a healer Time doesn’t do anything, […]
Read MoreLater life divorce…
Congratulations! You made it all the way through to retirement together. You survived all those early fights, the nappy duties, the teenager tantrums, the little jealousies and resentments, the financial strains, the never-ending couple conflicts, and now… Now you’ve decided enough is enough. You don’t want to grow old together, after all. You’re getting divorced. […]
Read More3 ways you’re dooming your relationship before it’s began
Have you been single since what seems like forever – and miserable about it? If so, you may be falling into one of these common self-defeating traps of dooming relationship. 1) You raise the wrong bars way too high. I’m not suggesting you settle for something or someone that just isn’t right for you. I’ve […]
Read MoreCompromising Yourself? Brace for a Midlife Crisis Divorce
Relationships are about compromise. Right? I mean, we hear that a hundred times a day. It’s drilled into us non-stop. If you want to make your marriage work (and avoid divorce), you have to be willing to compromise. But what does “compromise” actually mean? There’s a huge difference between accepting that you won’t always get […]
Read MoreAre You a Therapy Junkie?
Recently I had a client in her 60s (I’ll call her Tammy) who had spent 12 long years in therapy, trying to figure out what was wrong with her and searching for ways to improve. Tammy had tried every self-help, positive thinking, mind-opening, behaviour-correcting course you can think of. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? Check! DBT? Check! […]
Read MoreWhy Losing Your Home Feels Like the Worst Part of Late Life Divorce
Congratulations! You made it all the way through to retirement together. You survived all those early fights, the nappy duties, the teenager tantrums, the little jealousies and resentments, the financial strains, the never-ending couple conflicts, and now… Now you’ve decided enough is enough. You don’t want to grow old together, after all. You’re getting divorced. […]
Read MoreStarting a Second Marriage? Don’t Assume You’ve Learned from Your Mistakes
No doubt you already know these depressing statistics: nearly half of all marriages in the US and the UK end in divorce. What you might not realise is that this number doesn’t decrease as we get older and wiser and (theoretically) better at figuring out what we want in a life partner. In fact, it […]
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