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Can You Save Your Marriage When Your Wife doesn’t Want to? And Key Strategies to Do So

Posted on September 5th, 2023

Navigating the complicated route of marriage reveals its fair share of difficulties, including both happy and unhappy times. It is not unusual to find yourself in a complicated situation where your partner seems reluctant to become involved but you have a strong desire to save the holy marriage. The question remains: Can you Save Your Marriage When Your Wife doesn’t Want to? Your expectations might be exceeded by the answer, revealing previously unimagined possibilities.

Why Do Marriages Fail

Many factors can cause a marriage to fail, such as poor communication, unfulfilled expectations, and a decline in emotional closeness. Neglect, a refusal to make concessions, and a decrease in shared experiences are common causes of chronic problems, or issues that continue over time. Acute problems are abrupt and powerful, and they can be brought on by adultery, financial hardship, or big life upheavals. Reviving a marriage that is on the verge of dissolution requires identifying the underlying problems.

Chronic Problems

Even the strongest marriages can be undermined by a slow and steady loss of affection and connection. Over time, petty rituals and disregard for emotional needs cause spouses’ bonds to erode. However, this fraying thread can be revived by personal development. By starting your own transformation, you plant seeds of change that might eventually sprout and revitalize the marital terrain.

Acute Problems

Unexpected and powerful life storms can send a marriage into unknown territory. Unexpected disruptions, financial difficulties, and cheating put the carefully built ties to the strain. We can reignite the fire that burnt brilliantly once we approach these acute difficulties with unshakable determination and informed communication.

Reasons Why Your Spouse Doesn’t Want To Keep Trying

Comprehending your partner’s hesitancy necessitates thoughtful reflection. She may be reluctant due to emotional weariness, fear of being vulnerable, or painful experiences in the past. It takes time to slowly peel back these layers and shows that you are open to learning, adapting, and listening. By being compassionate and self-reflective, you open her closed heart to the possibility of healing.

How to Save Your Marriage When Your Wife doesn’t Want to?

Even if it might seem impossible to save a marriage when your wife doesn’t want to, it is still possible to go on a transformational path. It is not insurmountable, but it will require both spouses to put in time, effort, and commitment. These are the main tactics for doing that.

The Power of Personal Transformation

Even while it’s undoubtedly challenging to save a marriage when one partner isn’t on board, personal growth can be really important. Think about this: The climate of a marriage can be greatly impacted by the actions of one individual. By proactively making improvements to your actions and behaviors in the relationship, you foster an environment that makes change feasible.

Reflect and Make Improvements

Consider your own deeds and behaviors first. Are there any places you could modify or enhance? In addition to being beneficial to you, personal development shows the other person how committed you are to the partnership. Your wife may be more receptive to your sincere attempts at change and may even soften her position, allowing for a possible reunion.

Patience and Understanding

Overpressing the situation can frequently backfire and cause your spouse to become even more resistant. It’s crucial to give your wife the room and time she requires to go through her emotions. Show her empathy and compassion and engage in active listening instead of applying pressure. These modest actions can have a big impact on creating a communication environment that is more responsive and open.

The Impact of Consistency

Maintaining consistency is essential for preserving a marriage, particularly when one spouse is reluctant. Your devotion and commitment are apparent as you strive to strengthen the bond. You show that you’re willing to put in the work even in the face of resistance by being persistent and patient. This consistency can eventually cause her to see things differently and come to the conclusion that there could still

Balancing Self-Care and Relationship Efforts

Even while keeping the marriage intact may be your main priority, remember to look after yourself as well. Spend time with friends and family, indulge in self-care, and follow your hobbies. The state of your well-being is crucial for keeping a positive outlook, which can improve the relationship’s general health.

The Equation of Effort and Willingness

It’s crucial to remember that even though your efforts can have a big effect, they won’t be very effective if your wife doesn’t want to take part. If she’s not open to change, there’s only so much you can do, no matter how good your intentions are. Nonetheless, there have been cases where a single person’s commitment has had a significant impact and eventually resulted in a change of heart.

Conclusion

In conclusion, it’s a complicated question to ask whether it’s possible to salvage your marriage when your wife isn’t ready to give it a shot. Self-care, perseverance, self-growth, and self-control are all crucial components of this path. Although there’s no assurance of success, the work you put in can significantly influence the dynamics of the relationship. Recall that your commitment and affection might finally result in a change for the better, so go all out and tackle the circumstance with empathy and resolve.

Ready to take the first step toward saving your marriage? Start by reflecting on your actions and exploring opportunities for personal growth. Remember, change takes time, so be patient and consistent in your efforts. If you’re facing challenges, seeking professional help from a marriage counselor could also provide valuable insights and guidance. Your marriage deserves a fighting chance, and your commitment could be the catalyst for positive change.

 

For a more personalized approach to your healing journey, book a free Clarity Call now. Our coaches are here to help you take your first steps towards healing. Check out our Resources or our Videos on YouTube.

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Save a Marriage on the Edge of Divorce: 4 Proven Steps

Posted on August 28th, 2023
Couple Reconnecting: Rekindling Love and Save a Marriage on the Edge of Divorce

Is your marriage in danger of divorce? Even though the sorrow of a tense marriage can seem unbeatable, there is still hope. This in-depth guide will cover everything you need to know to Save a Marriage on the Edge of Divorce, including warning signals, chances of saving the marriage, and how long to devote to the process.

Signs Your Marriage is on the Edge of Divorce

It is important to know when your marriage may be in danger of divorce. Common signs include ongoing disagreements, emotional detachment, interpersonal deficits, and developing animosity. Breakdowns in communication, a decline in common interests, and thinking about splitting up are also warning signs. When you see these symptoms, it’s time to act.

The Possibility of Saving Your Marriage

Even if things might seem hopeless, it is possible to save a marriage that is about to end in divorce. It necessitates commitment, hard work, and an openness to change. Recognize that the process requires active participation from both spouses. Although the road to recovery may not be easy, the opportunity to reestablish a more robust and healthy relationship makes the effort worthwhile.

How Long Should You Try to Save Your Marriage?

For every couple, the time it takes to keep their marriage from divorcing differs. Because each relationship is different, there is no set time frame. It’s critical to set reasonable expectations and provide the procedure enough time. While some couples may need a year or longer, others may notice beneficial changes in just a few months.

How to Save a Marriage on the Edge of Divorce

We’ll explore four practical strategies for Save a Marriage on the Edge of Divorce. You might possibly reignite the spark of love by encouraging open communication, getting expert help when needed, making a commitment to change, and placing a high value on emotional connection.

1. Open and Honest Communication

Reviving the skill of honest and open communication can be the key to saving a marriage that is on the verge of collapse. Use sympathetic understanding and active listening in place of placing blame or becoming irritated during dialogues.

You can start this journey by scheduling consistent, uninterrupted conversation time. Start by letting your partner know how you’re feeling, and then both of you should be actively listening. Where your concerns and aspirations converge, find the common ground. When expressing your ideas, use “I” expressions to avoid coming across as critical. As you provide a secure environment for each other’s feelings, you’ll not only work out current problems but also build a closer, more durable relationship.

2. Seek Professional Help

Seeking expert assistance might be a game-changer if the turmoil in your marriage seems unbreakable. The first step in the process is realizing that asking for help is a show of strength rather than weakness.

Start by reading reviews, looking up certified therapists or marriage counselors, and selecting a therapist or counselor whose style appeals to you both. It takes guts to make the first move to set up an appointment since it shows that you are committed to repairing the connection. Be willing to provide personal information and take an active role in the sessions. Keep in mind that these experts can offer tactics that are customized to meet your unique requirements. Along with learning new skills to overcome obstacles, you and your partner will have a greater understanding of one another as you work through this process.

3. Make a Commitment to Change

It takes two sincere commitments to accept change for a marriage to be saved.

First, schedule some time for a sincere discussion about your shared goals of working toward a better relationship. Acknowledge the areas that require change and work with others to come up with concrete solutions. This could entail modifying expectations, reaching a compromise on conflicts, or changing communication styles. By doing these actions jointly, you are demonstrating your willingness to invest the time and energy necessary for a significant change. Review your progress on a regular basis and acknowledge your little accomplishments along the road. You are planting the seeds of enduring love and connection when you cultivate an atmosphere of growth and reciprocal evolution.

4. Prioritize Quality Time and Emotional Connection

During the hectic pace of life, spending quality time with your partner may seem like a distant memory. But if you want to rekindle your emotional bond, you must consciously work to give each other priority. Start by planning frequent date evenings or enjoyable activities that you can both participate in.

Rekindle the things that first attracted you two together. Distractions should be put away so that you can concentrate and listen to each other throughout your time together. Thank people for everything, no matter how tiny, and show your love with words and deeds. Establish routines that serve as a reminder of your journey together, whether it’s a weekend retreat or a daily check-in. By including these planned times of intimacy into your schedule, you’ll reignite the flames that may have faded with time.

Conclusion

Preserving a marriage that is on the verge of dissolution is a challenging but achievable task. There are plenty of resources out there to assist you, if you’re prepared to put in the effort. You may preserve your marriage and create a better future for yourself together if you prioritize spending quality time and emotional connection, communicate honestly and openly, seek expert assistance, and are committed to making changes.

If you’re considering divorce, don’t give up hope. There are still things you can do to save your marriage. At Naked Divorce, we have Recovery Programs and Retreats that have been created around helping you navigate the divorce grief life cycle in a healthy way.

Get in touch with Naked Divorce if you need support on your divorce journey.

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service,

 

For a more personalized approach to your healing journey, book a free Clarity Call now. Our coaches are here to help you take your first steps towards healing. Check out our Resources or our Videos on YouTube.

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Co-Parenting with a Narcissistic Ex: Strategies for Your Child’s Well-Being

Posted on August 28th, 2023
Co-Parenting with a Narcissistic Ex: Navigating Challenges for Your Child's Well-Being

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce is a challenging endeavor with its own unique challenges. If your ex-partner possesses narcissistic traits, co-parenting with a narcissistic ex can become significantly more complicated and distressing. However, regardless of the circumstances, the well-being of your child must remain your top priority. To balance the needs of your child with those of a narcissistic ex-spouse requires awareness, fortitude, and strategic planning. 

Is Co-parenting with A Narcissist Ex Possible?

It’s possible to co-parent with a narcissist ex, but it takes a unique strategy. It is critical to recognize that the actions of a narcissist can impede communication, escalate confrontations, and even result in manipulation. Despite these challenges, giving your child a secure and caring environment should always come first.

Indications You Co-Parent With a Narcissist

Determining if you are co-parenting with a narcissist ex is vital. The inability to reach a consensus, the persistent demand for approval, the employment of deceitful tactics, and an exaggerated sense of entitlement are warning signs. By recognizing these signs, you can develop useful coping mechanisms.

Co-Parenting Boundaries: Protecting Your Child and Yourself

When co-parenting with a narcissistic ex, it’s critical to set clear limits. Boundaries not only save you from emotional blackmail but also promote a more positive co-parenting relationship. By putting agreements and expectations in writing, you can make sure that your child’s welfare always comes first.

What is Parallel Parenting?

An alternative to standard co-parenting when managing a narcissistic ex is parallel parenting. Parallel parenting stresses different parenting styles and routines and discourages direct communication, in contrast to co-parenting, which calls for intimate cooperation. This tactic aims to keep your youngster stable and reduce conflict.

What to Expect when You Co-Parent with a Narcissist

Co-parenting with a narcissist can be emotionally taxing and difficult. Be prepared for erratic conduct, efforts at manipulation, and power struggles. However, you will be able to deal with these difficulties more skillfully if you are organized, set limits, and give your child’s emotional well-being first priority.

10 Essential Co-Parenting Tips for a Narcissistic Ex

It can be difficult to co-parent with a narcissistic ex-spouse, but it’s crucial to prioritize your child’s needs. With the best interests of your child in mind, here are some professional suggestions to aid you through this challenging journey.

1. Prioritize Your Child’s Health and Safety

In the complex terrain of co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-spouse, your first priority has to be protecting your child’s physical and mental health. Being a parent is all about creating a supportive atmosphere for your child to grow in.

Putting this into practice means constantly asking yourself what choices and deeds serve their best interests. Ask yourself, “Will this contribute positively to my child’s health and safety?” while you consider your options. Keeping this basic idea at the center of your choices will enable you to build a strong foundation for your child’s development even in the face of misfortune and manipulation.

2. Establish Clear Boundaries

Setting up inflexible, unwavering boundaries when co-parenting with a narcissistic ex is like building a wall around yourself and your kid. Start by determining which situations—such as shared responsibility, communication, and decision-making—most require limits. 

Be calm and firm while expressing your boundaries to your former spouse, keeping your child’s welfare in mind. In addition to confirming your goals, putting these boundaries in writing serves as a point of reference should possible conflicts arise. Remind yourself during this process that setting limits is not a sign of weakness but rather a way to promote a more positive co-parenting interaction.

3. Keep meticulous records

Preparing an extensive documentation of your co-parenting exchanges is a calculated step that supports your interests and protects your child. 

Decide on a recording strategy for your chats, whether it’s a notepad or a shared platform like Our Family Wizard. Make sure you record the time, date, subject matter, and context of every conversation. This document acts as a factual narrative that may be crucial in the event that legal action is required. Aim to retain neutrality and accuracy as you keep these records up to date. By doing this, you provide yourself access to a trustworthy information source that will defend both your interests and the welfare of your child.

4. Communicate only in the written format

When you’re co-parenting with a narcissistic ex, it’s wise to stick to written correspondence like emails and texts. Every written correspondence reduces the possibility of misunderstandings and manipulation by acting as a physical record. 

Make a commitment to this form of communication and make it your go-to avenue for exchanges every time. You build a barrier against the emotional upheaval that spoken talks frequently cause by doing this. Never forget that your primary concern is your child’s needs and preserving their sense of security.

5. Think about Parallel Parenting

When handling a narcissistic ex, adopting the idea of parallel parenting can be a life-changing tactic. This method acknowledges that although your parenting approaches may be very different, the welfare of your child is still your common objective.

Recognize that you have no influence on the dynamics at your former partner’s house. Instead, concentrate on giving your child the tools they need to be resilient and adaptable. Help them realize that different individuals have different approaches to things, and that this diversity is a fact of life. Your child will gain the ability to handle differences with maturity and grace as you instill this perspective in them, developing emotional resilience that will benefit them in all aspects of their lives.

6. Seek Support Wisely

It shows strength, not weakness, to own up to your difficulties and ask for help when you need it. Talk about your experiences with loved ones, support groups, or friends who promote change and growth. 

Choose friends who are a source of inspiration for you, and look for groups that support self-determination. Instead of focusing on victimization, have candid discussions about tactics and education. By doing this, you surround yourself with a network of people who not only comprehend your trip but also assist you in gaining the knowledge necessary to navigate it. Recall that you are in charge of selecting the voices that shape your life; choose those that enable you to provide a nurturing atmosphere for your child.

7. Be vigilant legally

It’s critical to comprehend your legal rights and obligations when co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-spouse.

Speak with a family lawyer to understand the laws that apply to your circumstances. Learn about your rights when it comes to decision-making, visitation, and custody. Having this knowledge gives you the ability to make decisions that are in your child’s best interests. Make sure you have all the necessary paperwork in order and are easily accessible so you can be ready for any potential legal issues. Recall that the law is your best friend in preserving a secure and stable home for your child.

8. Avoid Power Struggles.

Understanding that power conflicts are narcissists’ favorite kind of conflict is essential to preserving your child’s mental health. 

Put less emphasis on getting into pointless debates that will only make things worse. Remember that your top goal should be to provide your child with a peaceful environment devoid of needless disputes. Make intelligent battle choices by giving priority to issues that actually affect your child’s wellbeing. You can show your child that you are emotionally mature by avoiding power struggles and preventing needless stress for them.

9. Demonstrate Healthy Habits

Your actions as a parent co-parenting with a narcissistic ex are an effective way to teach your child valuable lessons.

Set a conscious example for traits like emotional intelligence, empathy, and skillful dispute resolution. Show your child that compassion and understanding can win out in trying circumstances. Have honest discussions with your kids and encourage them to share their feelings and worries. You may help your child develop holistically by modeling these healthy practices and giving them valuable life lessons.

10. Take care of yourself

You may experience negative effects on your emotional and mental health if you co-parent with a narcissistic ex. Make self-care a priority and a cornerstone of your path.

Make time for the things that make you happy and calm you. In order to overcome the emotional obstacles you encounter, think about counseling or support groups. Recognize that caring for yourself is an investment in your capacity to give your child a secure and supportive environment rather than being selfish. You set an example for your child by taking care of yourself, and you’re teaching them the value of taking care of themselves.

Conclusion: The Importance of Fostering Your Child’s Future

It can be difficult to co-parent with a narcissistic ex-spouse, but your child’s best interests should always come first. You may foster a supportive atmosphere in which your child thrives by setting limits, getting help, and taking care of yourself.

Co-parenting with a narcissistic ex necessitates unique approaches. Make an appointment for a session with our professionals to get personalized guidance on cultivating a more positive co-parenting dynamic. Give your child the best chance possible by prioritizing their well-being. 

At Naked Divorce, Our Telling the Kids Program co-parenting classes will help you break the news to your children and assist them in coping with the effects of the divorce. We also have Recovery Programs and Retreats that have been created around helping you navigate the divorce grief life cycle in a healthy way.

Get in touch with Naked Divorce if you need support on your divorce journey.

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service,

 

For a more personalized approach to your healing journey, book a free Clarity Call now. Our coaches are here to help you take your first steps towards healing. Check out our Resources or our Videos on YouTube.

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Healing from Divorce Trauma : 8 Essential Steps for Your Peaceful Life after Divorce

Posted on August 21st, 2023
Person at crossroads, representing healing from divorce trauma. Seven stepping stones symbolize essential steps for overcoming divorce trauma and embracing growth.

Have you wondered how to navigate life after divorce and healing from divorce trauma? Emerging from the emotional turmoil and uncertainties that divorce brings is a journey that requires time, resilience, and self-discovery. Did you know that studies show the profound impact of intentional healing on post-divorce well-being? In this comprehensive guide, we’ll lead you through seven pivotal steps that will aid you in navigating the intricate landscape of life after divorce. Join us as we embark on this transformative journey together.

The Benefits of Healing and Growth

The process of healing after a divorce extends beyond simply moving on—it’s about rediscovering your resilience, reclaiming your identity, and charting a new course for your life. By engaging with these essential steps, you’re not only working through the challenges of the past but also setting the stage for a future filled with renewed purpose, self-awareness, and even unexpected joys.

Obstacles You Might Encounter

As you navigate this journey of healing and growth, it’s important to acknowledge that obstacles may arise. Emotional triggers, moments of doubt, and feelings of uncertainty are all normal responses to such a significant life transition. These obstacles, however, do not define your journey. Rather, they present opportunities for deeper self-understanding and resilience-building.

 

What to Expect During the 8 Steps

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
The end of a marriage is a significant life event that triggers a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to confusion. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of this chapter. Suppressing these emotions isn’t healthy – instead, process them consciously. Through focused and concentrated grieving, you can navigate this challenging terrain more efficiently. Remember, honoring each emotion is essential; it’s about embracing the process without prolonging your pain.

2. Seek Support
Reaching out to friends, family, or professionals can provide a vital listening ear during this emotional time. Our Negative Divorce Programs offer expert assistance healing from divorce trauma, such as the Emotional Freedom program, designed to guide you through your emotions and transition. Thousands have found solace in these programs, and you can too.

3. Prioritize Self-Care
Divorce can take a toll on your mental and physical well-being. Make self-care a priority – indulge in activities that spark joy and relaxation. Regular exercise, nutritious meals, ample sleep, and stress management techniques like meditation and yoga can help restore your equilibrium.

4. Reflect and Learn
Taking time to reflect on the factors that led to the divorce and your role in it can provide valuable insights for personal growth. However, if self-reflection turns into self-loathing, seek support from those experienced in effective divorce processing.

5. Set New Goals
Divorce often necessitates reevaluating your goals. Seize this opportunity to set fresh personal and professional objectives. Exploring new hobbies, furthering your education, or making career changes can infuse your life with renewed purpose.

6. Build a Support Network
Feeling isolated post-divorce is common. Actively cultivate a supportive network of friends and individuals who uplift and empower you. If you’re struggling, programs like the Naked Divorce Emotional Freedom course can help build and fortify your support system. Learn more about the Emotional Freedom Program here.

7. Embrace New Beginnings
Divorce can be a catalyst for personal growth and transformation. Embrace novel experiences and possibilities, align your life with your values and desires, and reconnect with your pre-marriage aspirations. This period can be incredibly liberating and creative.

8. Get Professional Help
It’s essential that you reach out for professional help if you need it. Divorce can have a lasting impact on your mental and physical well-being if it’s not dealt with properly.

If you are struggling to accept your divorce, find everyday activities a struggle or simply feel that you need a little bit of extra help getting through the journey, then you should reach out to a professional.

 

At Naked Divorce, we have Recovery Programs and Retreats that have been created around helping you navigate the divorce grief life cycle in a healthy way.

Get in touch with Naked Divorce if you need support on your divorce journey.

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service,

 

 

For a more personalized approach to your healing journey, book a free Clarity Call now. Our coaches are here to help you take your first steps towards healing. Check out our Resources or our Videos on YouTube.

 

 

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Free e-book: The First 8 Steps to healing from divorce

Shakira, Miley and The Power of Response to a Break-Up

Posted on January 23rd, 2023
A woman hugging herself in the sunset

There’s a rich history of artists turning their romantic pain into something that others can consume. Frida Kahlo, Sylvia Plath, Francis Bacon, Edvard Munch, and, more recently, Taylor Swift are all famous for their resonating pieces on heartbreak.

Most of us have been through breakups before, and they come with a whole lot of hurt, anger, sadness, and, yes, the thought of revenge. While normal people might employ coping mechanisms such as binge-watching series, going out with friends, or thrashing it out at the gym, famous pop stars have the luxury of creating an outlet that isn’t just cathartic but can make them bucket loads of money too.

Enter Shakira, Miley Cyrus, and their two recent breakup bangers that have taken the world by storm.

Shakira has released a Latin song about her ex Gerard Piqué titled Shakira Bzrp Music Sessions 53, while Miley Cyrus released Flowers about her ex-husband Liam Hemsworth.

Both of these songs are about a breakup, but each showcases a different way of handling the situation. Let’s take a look at each song and how each singer has responded to their partner’s infidelities.

Shakira: Better Off or Just Bitter?

Allegations of cheating, tax evasion, a toxic mother-in-law, and much more were at the center of the Colombian’s reasons for leaving the football star.

The song logged more than 63 million views in 24 hours, which made it the most-watched new Latin song in YouTube history. She’s even created a TikTok dance to the track.

There’s no doubt that Shakira’s new track is a powerful, catchy tune that she’s used to take a swipe at Barcelona star Gerrard Piqué. The couple were together for more than a decade and have two children together, and she is undoubtedly hurt.

I can’t help but feel, however, that it comes off a little too bitter rather than from a woman that is healed and ready to look towards a brighter future.

In the song, she is particularly condescending when it comes to Piqué’s new 22-year-old girlfriend. She sings, “I’m worth two 22-year-olds,” adding: “You swapped a Ferrari for a Twingo/You swapped a Rolex for a Casio.” The singer also notes: “a she-wolf like me isn’t for rookies” … “I was out of your league, which is why you’re with someone just like you.”

She then suggests that her ex might not be the smartest of the bunch, with “Lots of time at the gym, but your brain needs a little work too.”

She goes on to reference the feud with Piqué’s mother too, “You left me my mother-in-law as my neighbor.” Shakira has also put up a life-size witch on her balcony that faces directly into her mother-in-law’s home.

There’s a famous quote that goes, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

The intention behind Shakira’s new hit probably came from a place of hurt, but it’s a revenge-ridden song that really shows how not to deal with a break up, and that she is clearly still struggling to move on.

Miley: Self-love and a Celebration

 

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth seemed like a match made in heaven, however, it’s reported that the Australian actor cheated on Miley no less than 13 times. The two were together on and off for over a decade, but their marriage lasted only nine months.

Miley released Flowers on the 13th of January, which just so happens to be Liam’s birthday. She starts the song off referencing their Malibu home, which burned down in a wildfire. “We were good, we were gold/ Kinda dream that can’t be sold/ We were right ’til we weren’t/ Built a home and watched it burn.

However, she takes the song in a very different direction from Shakira’s. In fact, the song has very little reference to Liam at all. Instead, she mimics Bruno Mars’ “When I Was Your Man” but changes it to “I can buy myself flowers, I can hold my own hand.

The song is a testament to herself. It’s about how we shouldn’t stay with partners just because we are afraid of being lonely. Miley reminds us that we don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. Whether it’s buying flowers, dancing, romance, or orgasms, these are all things we are more than capable of doing on our own.

The chorus goes, “Mm, I didn’t wanna leave you/ I didn’t wanna lie/ Started to cry but then remembered I/ I can buy myself flowers/ Write my name in the sand/ Talk to myself for hours/ Say things you don’t understand/ I can take myself dancing/ And I can hold my own hand/ Yeah, I can love me better than you can.”

It’s not just the lyrics that show how happy Miley is; the video itself displays how comfortable she is in her own skin. Throughout the music video, she is seen dancing, swimming in a skimpy outfit, and doing incredibly tough workouts, which references how much stronger than she was with Hemsworth.

There is no bitterness, resentment, or belittling in this song, and it is a testament to Miley that she has moved on and healed in such a profound manner.

It’s All About How We Respond

I wanted to bring these two very topical songs up in the same blog to show the contrasting ways in which women deal with their unique situations. When our hearts are broken, it’s easy to give in to our feelings of anger, revenge, and bitterness, but at the end of the day, acting on these is going to make us feel worse than we did in the first place.

We cannot control what happens to us, but we can sure as hell control how we respond to it. Your response is your power. Use it wisely.

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service,
Book a Clarity Call for any divorce or break up support you need,

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The Divorce Decision: Can an Unhappy Marriage be Saved?

Posted on January 3rd, 2023
A couple sitting with a therapist holding hands

Deciding to divorce is one of the most difficult decisions anyone will have to make. People don’t go into a marriage expecting it to end and divorce is something that usually comes with a whole lot of shame and trauma attached.

If you’re standing on the brink of divorce, it’s natural to have misgivings, especially when there is still love and there are children involved. “Can I save my marriage? Or should I get a divorce?” is a common dilemma for people that are stuck in an unhappy marriage.

At Naked Divorce, we believe that many marriages that are heading toward divorce can actually be saved. “The sooner people start working on their marriage when they’re unhappy, the easier it can be to get past your problems,” says therapist Maru Torres-Gregory, a teaching and supervising faculty member for the Marriage & Family Therapy Program at the Family Institute at Northwestern University.

So, can an unhappy marriage be saved? This is a definite but measured yes. Keep in mind, however, that it’s not going to be an easy process.

It Takes Commitment

First things first, an unhappy marriage cannot be saved unless both parties are committed to saving it. This is not something that only one partner can work on, and it’s not something that can be done in half-hearted measures.

The recovery of a marriage takes time, growth, and diligence. Both people have to be fully committed to saving the marriage, despite the current unhappy circumstances. Love alone isn’t enough to save a marriage and both partners need to be aware that the process is going to take time and hard emotional graft.

You need to prepare your heart and mind for the work that is ahead for both of you. Be prepared to be consistent and persistent every day. It’s important to keep that image of a happy, stable marriage in the foreground and believe that by doing this work, you will pull through.

Here’s what you should concentrate on for marriage recovery:

Acknowledge that Time Changes Love

The beginning of any relationship is intense and exciting, and many people will say their vows while they are still in this fairy tale love stage. We have a very preconceived idea of what love and marriage should look like, thanks to Hollywood, and can be blindsided once the initial stages of infatuation start to wear off.

There are going to be bumps in every marriage, and these are much easier to navigate when you have realistic expectations. Common sense, patience, and conflict-resolution skills are more important here than the butterflies and fuzzies you had when you first met.

It’s essential to recognize that your love is going to change as you grow older together. Your response to this changing love is going to be the determining factor in whether your marriage evolves or erodes.

Take Personal Accountability and Responsibility

It’s easy to blame your partner for everything when your marriage is on the rocks. The truth of the matter, however, is that a marriage is a reflection of two lives. Many couples don’t have the tools or the ability to navigate the marriage journey together as two individuals.

The success or failure of a marriage is not the sole responsibility of one person in the relationship and blaming your spouse is not just a waste of time; it’s also detrimental to the marriage recovery process.

It’s important to do some self-reflection and figure out where you are responsible, even during the smallest of arguments. Recognize how you contribute to the problems you are having in the relationship, take ownership of this contribution, and then take action to correct it.

Personal accountability and responsibility are the first stepping stones toward marriage recovery.

Work on Yourself

Even if you and your partner are both all-in on saving your marriage, chances are that your growth will progress at different rates and in various ways. It’s important to maintain self-focus in these instances. It can be tempting to point out that your partner might not be progressing at the same pace as you, but it won’t do any good.

Constantly work on yourself and commit to improving your maturity, insight, self-control, conflict resolution skills. This will actually show your partner how hard you are working and gives them the motivation that they need to continue to put the effort in too.

Improve Your Communication Skills

Improving your communication can be one of the biggest tools to save your marriage. Everything comes down to communication at the end of the day, and how you talk to yourself could even impact your marriage.

Conflict will inevitably arise in every marriage. When the honeymoon phase has worn off, people tend to become more settled and stubborn in how they want things done. This often means that listening takes a back seat, and we struggle to be present and hear what our partner is actually saying.

It’s essential that both partners take the time to learn and practice the skill of effective listening. You need to learn how to communicate what you are feeling without blame and listen to your partner without getting defensive.

Self-containment and compassion are central to healthy communication in a marriage. You might not be able to control how your partner feels and reacts, but you can do this for yourself.

Also, remember that your partner is sharing their reality with you and so it’s important that you listen and respond with love and respect, even if you have a different view.

Go Back to the Courting Phase

It’s amazing how quickly the wooing stage can disappear from a relationship. Weekly dates and declarations of love can quickly turn into microwave dinners and harsh criticism in just a matter of time.

It can be easy to be defensive or critical when you are feeling dismissed or unloved. It’s important, however, to give your partner small everyday affirmations that help to show they are appreciated.

Give each other the love and praise that you did at the beginning of the relationship, and you’ll be surprised how easily things like date nights, good sex, and better communication all come together.

Get Professional Help

Unfortunately, many people wait for far too long before seeking the help of a professional when it comes to their marriage problems. You wouldn’t wait for your car to break down before sending it in for a service, would you? So, why would you wait until your marriage is no longer functional to seek assistance?

Seeking out the services of a marriage counselor or divorce coach will be hugely beneficial and is the best start to saving an unhappy marriage. These professionals are able to give you the tools that you need for positive conflict resolution and help you to turn towards each other rather than away.

They can also help you decide whether your marriage is worth saving or whether it’s time to walk away.

Get Clarity on Divorce with Naked Divorce

Divorce is not a decision that should be made in haste, and if you are unsure whether getting one is the right choice, then chances are that you could still save your marriage.

At Naked Divorce, we have programs specifically geared to help couples decide whether divorce is the right thing for them or whether they can save their marriage.

Our Clarity Retreat is a five-day retreat that will assist you with the decision about getting a divorce. Our divorce experts will assess to get clarity on whether your relationship can be saved. We believe that people should do everything in their power to try and make a marriage work, but in some cases, it simply isn’t possible. This retreat is here to help you make one of the biggest decisions in your life, free from distractions and with expert guidance.

Get clarity on whether you should get a divorce from people that are experts in the field.

Do the Spark Program to Reignite Your Marriage

We believe that every marriage deserves a chance to be saved if the desire is there, and if you decide that your marriage is worth saving, then the Spark Program should be your next step.

In this program, you will learn how to reignite the passion in your relationship and what you can do to keep this love alive. I give both partners the tools that they need to reset the context of the relationship. I’ll give you the formula to a successful marriage in this intensive “relationship school” and teach you how you can implement these things into your own marriage.

Contact us and book a Free Clarity Call at Naked Divorce.

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service,
Book a Clarity Call for any divorce or break up support you need,

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Free e-book: The First 8 Steps to healing from divorce

Questions to Ask Before Deciding to Divorce

Posted on December 26th, 2022
A woman sitting on the bed looking at her wedding ring

Every relationship goes through more than a few rough patches. Love changes over time, and many people become disconcerted when that all-encompassing, infatuation-like love turns into something a little more steady. Excitement turns to reliability.

Then there are life’s curveballs that are thrown our way and how these can impact the state of our marriage without us even realizing it. Stress, boredom, insecurities, children, work, and much more can creep up on our marriage and before we know it, we are considering divorce.

If you’re thinking, “Should I divorce my spouse?” There are a couple of things to consider before you make a divorce decision.

At Naked Divorce, we believe you should do everything that you can to save a marriage that is worth saving, and this means asking yourself tough questions. While our Divorce Angels will help with a Divorce Assessment to give you clarity, these questions on compromise, growth, emotions, commitment and other factors could change how you feel about whether your marriage is really over.

Is Something Outside of My Marriage Affecting My Vantage Point?

Stress and anxiety affect the mind and body; they put us in a heightened state where we get easily overwhelmed, irritable, depressed, or angry. Minor annoyances or arguments tend to be blown out of proportion and can seem like marriage-ending events.

It’s essential that you ask yourself if there’s anything else going on in your life that could be influencing your marriage. Take a step back and look at the state of your marriage without the current situation. Understand the lens through which you are looking at your marriage.

Is the way that you are feeling actually because of the way your partner is acting? Or are you simply perceiving it that way because of outside exacerbations? It’s important to understand the difference between an unhealthy overarching theme in your marriage and simply having a tough time because you’re in a tough situation at the moment.

Is Someone Else Influencing My Marriage?

We’re not talking about a full-blown affair here, but sometimes a new person on the scene can make you feel wanted and more exciting than your spouse does. Casual emotional infidelity happens, whether it’s with a co-worker, gym instructor, friend, or anyone in between. Someone other than your spouse is making you feel good, and these endorphins are making you realize that your needs are not being met in your marriage.

This is an opportunity for you to talk to your spouse about what you need rather than asking for a divorce because someone makes you feel better. Remember that your spouse probably made you feel that way at the beginning of your relationship, so this feeling won’t necessarily last with anyone else.

It’s easy for the influence of an outsider to impact how you feel about your spouse, and it can cloud your judgment on whether you’re really unhappy in your marriage.

Do You Understand Each Other’s Core Values?

Core values are at the heart of what makes us who we are. They are the undercurrent that help us to make every single decision in our lives and most of the time, people that are married have similar core values.

Knowing what your spouse’s core values are isn’t enough, however, and it’s important that you understand these values too. Your partner might put trust at the very top of their core values because of how their mother was cheated on. This doesn’t just mean that they want you to be trustworthy when it comes to fidelity, but also that you can hold their secrets or trust you to tell them if something big is happening.

Understanding the core values of both partners is essential; it helps to explain why certain decisions are made and gives context to arguments and conflict. Once a core value is breached, it’s more difficult to repair a marriage.

Have I Communicated My Unhappiness?

If you were to leave your spouse now, would they know why you have left them? Have you properly communicated your dissatisfaction or unhappiness with your spouse? Have you told them what needs aren’t being met and how they could meet them?

Or is your spouse going to feel like they’ve been completely blindsided?

It’s essential that you communicate how you are feeling with your spouse and allow them the time and space to try and fix the things that are not working. It’s not fair to ask for a divorce before you’ve given them the opportunity to commit to making things better.

Am I Really Listening?

Sometimes when we’ve been with one person for an extended period of time, it gets easier to listen to them talk without truly listening. Have you taken the time to actually connect with your spouse when they are telling you something recently? This isn’t about nodding and saying “yes”, but about putting your phone down, looking your spouse in the eye and truly listening to what they are saying with love and compassion.

As humans, we are always striving for a connection, and the most important one is most likely to be from our spouse. By not listening to what your spouse is saying, you are devaluing their opinion or the issue that they are bringing to you.

If you haven’t taken the time to listen to what your spouse is saying and connecting with their reality, then it doesn’t come as much of a surprise that your marriage is on the rocks.

Have I Enlisted the Help of a Professional?

Unfortunately, many people only seek the help of a professional when it’s too late to repair their marriage, but that is still better than not seeing a professional at all.

Seeking out the help of a professional enables you to get to the core of what is going wrong in your marriage. It gives you both a safe space to talk openly to each other without the threat of conflict escalation, and it will enable you to see things from both sides of the marriage.

If you’re wondering whether to get a divorce and haven’t seen a professional yet, it’s time that you do.

Get Clarity with Naked Divorce

If you’re unhappy in your marriage but you’re unsure whether divorce is the right thing, then you’ve come to the right place.

At Naked Divorce, we believe that every marriage that can be saved should be, but of course, some simply can’t. Our divorce experts will do a professional Divorce Assessment and give you and your partner the clarity you need on one of the biggest decisions of your life.

The Spark Program

If you do decide that your marriage is worth saving, then the Naked Marriage Spark Program is perfect for you. As the name suggests, The Spark Program is about keeping love alive and reigniting the passion that you used to have in your relationship.

In the program, I will give both partners the tools that they need to reset the context of the relationship. It’s an intensive form of ‘relationship school’ where you’ll learn the formula of a successful marriage, and I’ll teach you to implement it into yours.

Reach out to Naked Divorce, and we’ll be with you every step of the way.

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service,
Book a Clarity Call for any divorce or break up support you need,

check out our resources or our Videos on Youtube

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Free e-book: The First 8 Steps to healing from divorce

Top Divorce-Related Movies to Help You Survive and Thrive

Posted on December 6th, 2022
a woman watching movie

At best, getting a divorce is a turbulent experience, and at worst, it can be absolutely harrowing. It’s a time that we do a lot of self-reflection, and we need support from family and friends.

Any divorce is hard. So is piecing your life together again and moving on afterward. The divorce grief journey can be a rollercoaster of emotions, and you might find yourself swinging wildly between laughing and crying. Or even do both at the same time.

Sometimes, all you need is to see how other people face divorce challenges and how they are overcome, including fictional characters. We reach for movies for so many other aspects of our lives, and recovering from a divorce shouldn’t be any different.

Movies about divorce come in all shapes, forms, and genres. From laugh-out-loud comedies and cry-your-eyes-out heartbreak to inspiring tales of recovery, new beginnings, and making the best of bad situations. There are divorce movies on Netflix to suit every situation.

Let’s take a look.

Under the Tuscan Sun (2003)

“Under the Tuscan Sun” is the ultimate movie about how our best lives could look a little different from what we expect.

The main character, Frances (Diane Lane), is a book editor that has just gone through a harrowing divorce. Her wonderful friends encourage her to travel and visit Italy in an attempt to get her out of a rut in San Francisco.

She ends up buying a dilapidated Tuscan villa. As she repairs her new home, she starts to repair her heart and build a new, more fulfilling life than she could ever have imagined. Frances realizes that her life might be different from what she thought it would look like but that it is ultimately just what she was looking for.

Erin Brockovich (2000)

We love a strong female lead, and Julia Roberts portrays the main character in a powerful and heart-warming manner. “Erin Brockovich” is less a movie about divorce and more about the strength that many divorced women have to find within themselves when they are forced into a corner.

Erin makes her lawyer hire her after her divorce in order to support her three kids, despite the fact that she has no law degree to speak of. However, the gutsy single mom uncovers a huge scandal when she finds out a gas company is dumping cancer-causing chemicals in a small town.

She helps the victims get millions in damages while making enough money to support her family and finds the inner strength that she thought she had lost.

Bad Moms (2016)

If it’s a laugh you’re after, the “Bad Moms” is going to be right up your alley. This movie has a sumptuous cast of Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Christina Applegate. Mila Kunis plays an overworked and underappreciated mom that walks in on her husband being intimate with a webcam girl.

So, what does she do? She gets her best friends together for a wild all-night bender that includes heaps of laughs and pure comedy gold. While I certainly don’t advocate using partying as a tool to handle a divorce, there’s nothing wrong with letting your hair loose with your best friends.

This is a seriously funny movie that is sure to put you in a better mood.

It’s Complicated (2009)

If there’s one thing that we know about divorce, it’s that it’s rarely a straightforward, uncomplicated process. In fact, it’s often rather messy, especially if both parties just so happen to still be attracted to each other.

In “It’s Complicated”, exes Jane and Jake (Meryl Streep and Ales Baldwin) are having an affair. Jake is married to a much younger woman, Jane starts seeing a new man, and their grown-up children have no idea that the affair is happening.

Of course, soon everyone finds out, and it comes crashing down around them. This is a movie that shows that moving on from a divorce isn’t as simple as people would like it to be, and it can take years to get out of a messy situation.

What’s Love Got to Do With It (1993)

Domestic violence is a difficult topic and one that’s also hard to watch in a movie. However, this Tina Turner biopic is worth the discomfort. Angela Basset plays Tina, and the movie gives an excellent look into the childhood trauma that led to Tina marrying a domineering Ike Turner at a young age.

Her husband turned into an emotionally and physically abusive man that strips Tina down to her very lowest. Of course, she soon finds her inner strength, leaves the awful marriage and becomes the incredible superstar that we know and love today.

If you have been through an abusive marriage or want to support someone that has, this is an empowering movie to add to your list.

Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011)

We’re going to skip over the delicious subplot and steamy scenes between Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in this movie and rather focus on Steve Carrell’s character instead.

Carrell seemingly has a perfect life: A wonderful daughter, a beautiful home, a good job, and a gorgeous wife. This all explodes, however, when his wife, played by Julianna Moore, tells him she’s been unfaithful and is leaving him.

Carrell gets training from Gosling’s character on how to pick up women and goes out and sleeps with a whole lot of different women before realizing that it is an empty lifestyle that isn’t giving him joy.

The movie ends ambiguously with the possibility of him and his wife getting back together. We’ll never know if they do, but it’s just another showing of the complicated and messy nature of divorce. The bonus? This movie provides a barrel of laughs along the way.

Wild (2014)

This movie, starring Reese Witherspoon and based on the true story of Cheryl Strayed, is the perfect antidote for those looking for inspiration when going through deep turmoil.

Cheryl is depressed. She’s destroyed her marriage with drug use, affairs, and more. What does she do to try and get a grip on the damage that she’s caused herself and her loved ones? She heads out on a 1,100-mile trek through the wild on her own.

This gives her the opportunity for some much-needed self-reflection and healthy habits and leaves her in an improved mental state. She finishes her trek in the right frame of mind to take responsibility for her actions and to move on with a healthier, happier life.

What Are Your Favorite Movies About Divorce?

Of course, these are just a few of the best movies about divorce out there, and there are many more that you can use as a little bit of catharsis on your divorce journey.

What are your favorite divorce-related movies?

Of course, you can’t rely on movies alone to get through a divorce, and you need to have the right support structures in place. Whether that’s a divorce coach, medical professional, or trusted friends and family.

Get in touch with Naked Divorce if you need support on your divorce journey.

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service,
Book a Clarity Call for any divorce or break up support you need,

check out our resources or our Videos on Youtube

← Back to Blog

Free e-book: The First 8 Steps to healing from divorce

How to Know if I Should Get a Divorce

Posted on December 1st, 2022
A couple sitting on the couch with a therapist looking unhappy

No one says, “I do,” with the intention of splitting up with their spouse. Still, things can happen that make many people rethink their vows. Deciding to divorce is one of the hardest decisions you will make in your life, and it’s important that you have really looked at it from all angles before you talk to your spouse about the divorce decision.

Perhaps you’ve grown at a different pace to your spouse or vice versa, making you incompatible. Or there’s been an external factor putting pressure on your relationship, such as immigrating, a new job, or the addition of children. There might have been infidelity, or you’re lacking intimacy, and so on.

There are tons of different things that could be impacting your marriage, but you have to decide whether you can save it or it’s best to call it quits.

Of course, every individual marriage is different, but if you’re deciding to divorce, here are some of the signs that it could be the right decision.

Abuse

You are putting yourself at risk if you stay in an abusive relationship, whether physical, sexual, emotional, or financial.

“Any kind of abuse, in my mind, is a reason to separate from a partner simply because oftentimes the abusive partner, and perhaps even the other partner, needs to do some kind of work that can’t be done while the couple is together,” says psychologist Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D.

“It’s safer for the other partner to not be with the abuser while they’re working on their own anger management type of issue.”

You Can’t Agree on Core Issues

There are a couple of core aspects that you and your partner should agree on in order to move through life together successfully. One of the most common core issues that can break a couple apart if they’re on different pages is having children. If one partner is desperate for children, while the other really doesn’t want one, then this is often a reason to end the marriage.

Other examples are religion, how to raise children, equality in the household, and much more.

Core issues are often at the heart of someone’s belief system, and if partners don’t agree on something of this magnitude, the marriage will rarely work out.

One Person Won’t Work on the Marriage

It’s no secret that every marriage will encounter a variety of challenges over the years, but it’s how couples face these challenges that will determine whether the marriage will work or not.

If you and your spouse have been going through a tough time, such as a lack of intimacy, poor communication, or high conflict, then it’s essential that both of you are willing to acknowledge and work on these issues if you want to succeed. Unfortunately, one partner can’t do all the work on their own, and they need the other person to come to the table in order to succeed.

If your partner is failing to hold up their end of the bargain and is unwilling to work on the marriage, then it might be time to say goodbye. At the end of the day, everything from small daily conversations to big issues requires the participation of both of you. The dialogue around these things cannot happen if your partner is unwilling to take part in them.

Broken Trust That’s Irreparable

Trust is one of the most crucial aspects of any relationship, and it’s the bedrock of a good marriage. Of course, infidelity is one of the most common ways that people destroy trust in a relationship. While some of the time it’s not a deal breaker, in most relationships, cheating is non-negotiable.

If you or your spouse have been unfaithful, but you have decided that it’s worth staying in the relationship, then it’s incredibly important that you are able to fully forgive and make peace with your partner and vice versa. If you or your partner are dredging up the issue every time there’s an argument or fight, or if either of you is holding a grudge, then chances are that your marriage is not going to work in the long run.

A Lack of Respect

There simply has to be mutual respect in a healthy marriage. Both partners must feel accepted and heard by the other. If one partner is feeling dismissed, unheard, or rejected, the marriage is no longer a safe and nurturing relationship to be in.

When marriages reach this point, it often means that there is little civility and tons of attacking or defending from either side. The worst-case scenario is that this lack of respect actually turns into contempt.

Contempt makes one partner feel superior to the other, and they might actually feel disgust toward their spouse. Contempt from either partner attacks the sense of self of the other, and this form of resentment often signals the end of a relationship, as it leaves no room for intimacy or connection.

We Can Help You No Matter What Your Decision Is

At Naked Divorce, we believe that every marriage deserves a chance to be saved, but we also know that some divorces are also for the best. That’s why I have created a series of different packages and programs for a variety of scenarios that will help you on your journey.

Our divorce experts will do a professional Divorce Assessment and give you and your partner the clarity you need on one of the biggest decisions of your life. From this point forward, we either help you along your divorce journey to make it as smooth as possible, or we can help you reignite the flame in your marriage with our Spark Program. The Spark Program is an intensive form of ‘relationship school’ where you’ll learn the formula of a successful marriage, and I’ll teach you to implement it into your own relationship.

Get in touch with us at Naked Divorce and we will be with you every step of the way.

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service,
Book a Clarity Call for any divorce or break up support you need,

check out our resources or our Videos on Youtube

← Back to Blog

Free e-book: The First 8 Steps to healing from divorce

Scared of Divorce? How to Overcome the Top Divorce Fears

Posted on November 6th, 2022
A man and woman sit opposite each with documents and wedding rings on the table

Scared of Divorce? How to Overcome the Top Divorce Fears

Crippling divorce anxiety is something that many people have to deal with before they even start to navigate the divorce journey. The process comes with a whole rollercoaster ride of emotions that can leave you tired, confused, angry, and everything else in between.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by divorce fears, and many people stay in their marriage too long simply because they are scared of divorce. Where there is a will, there’s a way, however, and we’re going to take a look at the top divorce fears and how to overcome them.

Fear of Being Alone

One of the biggest fears about getting a divorce is facing the world alone. After being a part of a couple and family unit for many years, it’s understandable that the thought of being alone is scary. This is a completely natural fear to have.

The great thing about this fear is that the answer to overcoming it lies solely within you. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to create your own contentment and joy without having to rely on someone else. A change of mindset is essential at this point, and the power of positive thinking will take you far.

If there are things that you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have time for or your ex wouldn’t have enjoyed, then this is when you try them out. If you have always wanted to get into hiking, for example, you should join with a local hiking group. This helps you to get out and about and also introduces you to new people with similar interests that could become good friends.

Fear for Your Children

There’s no sugar-coating the fact that divorce is stressful and hurtful for kids; however, what’s even more damaging is kids growing up in a home where their parents are always fighting or where there is clearly no love,

The reality of the situation is that if you handle your divorce in a mature way and try to avoid fighting in front of your kids, then there’s no reason that they won’t go on to thrive in the same way as a child from married parents would.

It’s essential that you are open with your children about the divorce and that you communicate with them constantly about how they are feeling. Of course, you must let them know that the divorce is not their fault and that both of you still love them.

It’s important to have an excellent co-parenting plan in place and to ensure that you put your kid’s needs above your own. No matter how angry you are with your ex or how betrayed you feel, you should never bad mouth them to your kids. Be civil with your ex and communicate with them about your children and the things that will benefit them, and kids will adapt to the situation. Of course, if you are really worried about the impact the divorce will have on your children, you can also enlist the services of a family therapist to help.

Financial Fears

Getting a divorce can be a really costly process, and it’s understandable that going from a two-person income household to one can be anxiety-inducing. This is particularly true for the partner that makes less money or gave up a career to look after the kids.

The first thing that you should do is get your finances in order. Be aware of any accounts, investments, and savings that your spouse has and collect proof of them. Then it’s essential to work out how much you will need per month to survive and set out a budget for that.

One of the biggest financial mistakes that people make when getting divorced is the decision to keep the family home. While it’s understandable that the house you grew your family in has many memories, the chances are that it is far too big and too expensive to run as a single person. It’s a good idea to downsize and get a more affordable home where you can create new memories in.

Fear of Losing Friends

Unfortunately, one of the guaranteed results of any divorce is that trusted friends will choose a side, and it might not be yours. Some of the friends that you considered to be in your corner might not be, and some friends might distance themselves from you and your ex without choosing either one of you.

The best thing to do here is to recognize that those friends were good for a time, but clearly, that time is over, and you should look to making new ones. Join support groups or take up a hobby that you’ve always wanted to try, such as a photography course. This way, you’ll meet new people that have similar interests to you and that you can start building some new friendships with.

It’s also important to love and nature the friendships that you have with friends that actually stick around and support you after your divorce. These are the friends that are worth their weight in gold, and it’s important not to neglect them, even if you are feeling overwhelmed.

Fear of Failure 

No one goes into a marriage thinking that it has an end date, and unfortunately, many people feel like they have failed when they get a divorce. Weddings involve family and friends and saying vows in front of all your loved ones, and it can be hard not to feel like a failure.

The truth of the matter is that some marriages don’t last and that no one that gets a divorce is a failure. The sooner that you adjust your mindset and adopt a “this is for the best” attitude, the easier it will be for your to rebuild your life.

You have an inner strength, and you need to tap into it. If you’re not able to do this alone, then join a support group, seek the help of a therapist or a divorce coach, or anyone else that can help you to increase your confidence.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to getting through a divorce, but self-care, believing in your abilities, and looking forward to the future is a great place to start.

Naked Divorce Programs to Conquer Your Divorce Fears

At Naked Divorce, we are firm believers that facing your fears is the best way to conquer them, and we have a range of programs to help you do just that. Whether you need help putting a co-parenting plan in place, you need to get over lingering anger or you need help figuring out your financial situation going forward, our Divorce Angels are here to help you along the way.

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service,
Book a Clarity Call for any divorce or break up support you need,

check out our resources or our Videos on Youtube

← Back to Blog