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15 tips to mend your broken heart today

Posted on December 4th, 2009
NakedDivorce Adele Theron blog broken

Healing a broken heart and getting over your break up means you have to build a new future. It also needs you to create a new relationship with your past!

Healing from heartbreak is a big process and the pain involved shouldn’t be underestimated. While there is no accurate description of what a broken heart feels like, there are emotional reactions and behaviors that many who’ve suffered a broken heart have experienced. They are not pretty. According to therapist Joyce Marter, Founder and CEO of Urban Balance, “a broken heart mirrors a depressive episode, and someone might have a decrease in appetite, disruptive sleep, and anxiety about the future,” Marter said. Happiness Specialist, Rebecca L. Norrington said, “A broken heart is probably one of the most painful experiences this life has to offer…I know if I had a dollar for every heartbreak and disappointment I’ve felt, I’d be able to finance a cruise around the world…well, maybe a cruise half-way around the world.” Part of the pain of a broken heart comes not only from the fear of being alone but also from the fear of feeling alone—as if no one could possibly understand what we are experiencing. It’s not only losing the person you were with, but also the life you thought you might have. Not one of us is an island. As human beings, we are social animals who thrive on relationships. People come into our lives for different reasons, and we are shaped and molded by relationships.

When we invest ourselves, our time, our emotions, and our hearts into building a life with a partner, we are feeding our hope, nurturing our happiness. A break up cannot only destroy that happiness but also diminish or even rob us of any hope of ever finding love again. There is a lot of grief, and people often feel like ‘I’m not lovable. Feeling heartache is part of the healing process, and there is no shame in letting the body, mind, and soul experience all that it needs to in order to feel happy again. It’s important to “get support. Talk with friends and family. Practice self compassion (download your free guide to training yourself in self compassion here). Journaling can be cathartic. Remember self-care. Rest, eat nutritious foods, exercise to the point of sweat,” because the endorphins released through exercise will help.

I have found running to be therapeutic, and a lot of people take comfort in re-connecting with spirituality in times of emotional turmoil. What is important, is to surround yourself with people who bring you up. And, to have hope that you will love again. If you aren’t there yet, have hope that you will hope to have love again.” Hope does indeed spring eternal, and when the heart is ready, it will open up to love again. Here is a video on the pain of heartbreak and some tips below to feeling better…

  1. Make a YOU Journal right now – decorate it with images and materials which represent you. EVEN if you are a guy and this idea sounds ridiculous, writing about how you feel could be the single biggest improvement you could make to your current state of mind.
  2. Think about the break-up of your relationship from different points of view and write about it:
    1. What are the generalisations you have made about yourself and your ex?
    2. Think of someone you admire (friend, mentor, character from history). Imagine he/ she is watching a movie of this part of your life and step into their shoes to watch it instead. What would their comments be?
    3. Now imagine a completely neutral observer is watching the movie of your life. Step into their shoes and watch it from there – what do you notice about the interaction from this neutral perspective?
    4. Notice the differences seen from each point of view – what do you notice?
  3. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or home for the aged or football training squad etc.
  4. Schedule a makeover or change your image – go for a drastic change and consult a stylist or friend
  5. Drink many hot herbal drinks and sleep with socks on – rub Vicks Vaporub on your feet (it may seem weird but it works!)
  6. Emotional Freedom Technique: Tapping whenever you feel in complete despair helps release blockages within your body. Negative emotions will literally evaporate before your eyes:
    1. Tap above eyebrow X10
    2. Tap under eye X10
    3. Tap under armpit X10
    4. Tap under collarbone X10
    5. Tap on index finger X10
    6. Tap under pinky finger on back of hand X10
  7. In these stressful times, talking about your problems and fears to them could make you more relaxed. It also makes you feel that you are part of a group and not lonely – phone your Break Up Beautifully coach Adele if you feel you cannot discuss how you feel with friends of family. You can talk about your problems privately and let your emotions out
  8. Do not see them for 60 days – this will help, I promise
  9. Create a playlist of Feeling Better music – SAD LOVE SONGS ARE BANNED!!!
  10. Delete them from your Facebook account, log out of their email and delete them from your phone if possible. Following their every move will simply TORMENT you
  11. Play sports or any other recreational activity. Exercise will help pump adrenaline and other chemicals around your body that makes you feel naturally healthier and happier. Furthermore, it makes you forget about your past troubles and you might meet another ‘special’ person in your life
  12. Write your ex a letter – in it tell them everything you loved about your relationship and him/ her and everything you hated about the relationship or him/ her. When done burn the letter and bury it
  13. Throw out ALL your underwear and get new set – it will flush clean all the old memories you had of your ex everytime you get dressed
  14. Have a DUVET day – lie in bed with your favourite movies, books and all your favourite snacks and don’t move. Enjoy the luxury of spending time doing absolutely nothing with no one bugging you or nagging you to do anything else
  15. Join a book club or a women’s group. NO – these are not for old gits but such clubs will put you smack dab in the middle of intellectual loop again – AND just think how nice it will be to discuss something other than your  divorce…

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook.

With you in service
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17 thoughts on “15 tips to mend your broken heart today

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  3. I WISH any of these tips (or ANY tips) helped. They do not. It is a journey and process….It has been 6 years; I still grieve for what I never had. Married for 36 years to an abuser; got a divorce and then was voted out of membership in my church of 31 years (www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com)
    I am amazingly resilient; I won a scholarship because of what I wrote about my life…growing in abuse, poverty, molested, fatherless…..blah…blah…
    Joined the army right out of high school and have been fearless and moving foward ever since. My book (Sanctuary of the Soul) is endorsed by Elie Wiesel, Wayne Dyer, Nikki Giovanni, Drs. Alice Miller, Larry Dossey, Ellen Langer (14 in all)..am amazedf and humbled.
    Thank you….Kind Regards, Alice

    1. Hi Alicia – the tips are merely the beginning. The Naked Divorce process will help you heal. Where are you at with your healing now? xxAdele

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